[geofft]

This is not pointlessly-spent energy! It is part of the job of software engineering, in much the same way as fixing compiler errors and debugging is part of the job of software engineering. Your work isn't done just because you have a program that makes sense to you.

Think about technical discussions as a thing that you need to spend extended amounts of time and energy on - probably more than programming, once you get senior enough as an individual contributor.

(So, yes, I think it's a lack of skill, largely because of a lack of recognition that it's a skill worth developing. I can't say whether the "blame" is yours or theirs, but it is highly likely that everyone has a lot of room to get better at it.)