[lechacker]

As a 30+ year old kissless virgin I have recently began noticing that the loneliness part has began affecting me more deeply than usual. I suppose noticing the first signs of aging in my face led to the realization of all things not-done. I've had a couple of episodes of despair in the past few months because of this.

Unfortunately people like me become helpless. You'll be alone because you _are_ alone: you don't have any social proof, any social skill, people your age don't "get together" to find a partner at the same rate as younger people, they have higher expectations regarding your experience and more.

The way I see it, once each man crosses a certain age without any or much sexual experience they will become stuck in that category the rest of their lives. Whether we have the tendency to lash out violently against others or ourselves more than the average, I don't know. I wonder if the solution by Western society will come in the way of some "Minority Report-like" way to identify us and pre-emptively lock us out.

[awaythrow483]

This is obviously very dependent on life situation but consider taking a year off and traveling somewhere where you'll have better luck dating and just focusing on yourself.

Thailand and Colombia are the two obvious choices to me. Quit work, and just get a $500 a month apartment and focus on working out every day and enjoying life. You WILL find people interested in dating you if you have reasonable expectations.

[pmarreck]

Did you cover all the biological bases, get your hormones checked, etc.?

I was a "late bloomer" growing up; turns out I had low T, which is something my doctor-averse parents would have never had treated anyway.

[Woberto]

There's gotta be somebody you can pay to help you develop social skills. Kind of like etiquette schools or something, maybe with opportunities to practice. It's like a personal trainer of sorts. I'd charge, what, maybe $60/hr to take somebody with me to the dog park and help them engage in conversation, give them feedback and ideas, etc.

[avmich]

Ugh. Did you consider looking for help from paid professionals?

[lechacker]

I am under psychiatric treatment. And the way we treat it isn't by expecting me to magically integrate to society at my age with my lack of experience but by managing the despair.

That's why I wanted to comment here: I found most comments looking for "ways" to get these guys "dates". But some (and I bet it's most) of those who are sexually lonely (or romantically lonely) are past the social point-of-no-return. They are pestilent to others. Constantly exposing them to environments where they will face rejection at best, excoriation at worst is only going to drive them deeper into misantropy. And that may lead to violence.

[LorenPechtel]

That wouldn't accomplish anything about developing the skills to get a relationship. It can get someone over the nervousness of first sex, but that's it.

[soco]

I may be totally wrong, but please bear with me: what do you feel about going out? Not for dates but for "honing" some social skills and maybe even creating opportunities (okay less of that but still).

[lechacker]

I can't "hone" social skills because I have none. And at my age you can't "get" these skills because in order to get them you need to interact with other people, and in order to interact with people my age you need social skills.

Like I commented elsewhere: exposing oneself to more scenarios of rejection can only drive one deeper into misery. Like wanting to cure an autistic child's sensitivity to noise by exposing him to a string of loud, crowdy concerts.

[mikhael28]

Plane ticket. Amsterdam. Look for red lights.

[lechacker]

Transactional sex doesn't satisfy sexual loneliness. Prostitution won't solve the problem the paper is mentioning.