[sonjat]

I think men and women just prioritize different things. Men might be willing to "marry down" in terms of finances but are probably less willing to do so in terms of attractiveness. And as a woman with a high-paying job, I would argue the problem is not entirely with women. I couldn't care less how much a guy I date makes (that's the beauty of being able to fully provide for myself and my kids, I don't have to rely on any guy's money). Without exception, though, every guy I've gotten serious has had some level of insecurity around it. They might say they are OK with it, but eventually they will have some problems with it. To be fair, this might be because of societal expectations, but it isn't because I care what they make.

[ip26]

It can be indirect socialization to boot. Perhaps we have agreed that men don’t have to be the breadwinner. But… what else are they supposed to bring to the relationship?

We can of course say, oh they are supposed to be funny, loving, and do their fair share of chores. But what can only they bring?

I think this could be a driver of insecurity. If not a provider role, we haven’t figured out what alternative respectable roles they could fill, which means as far as culture is concerned they feel useless.

[trashface]

A man who dates a woman with higher income is taking a big risk that eventually she's going to get frustrated with his lower income and end the relationship. This isn't an misguided concern, hang on on reddit dating/relationship forums and about once a month you'll see a post from a woman in this situation and frustrated by it. Inevitably the advice she gets is "break up with him".

Majority of women are not ok with men making less, no matter what they say - its often an unrevealed preference.