[ClapperHeid]

Next week:

* Michael Gove announces ban on "standing up too quickly".

* BBC links to a series of scare-mongering articles on how a "standing up too quickly head rush" can lead to dizziness and feelings of paranoia.

* A mother whose son died after standing up quickly under a descending demolition ball warns other youngsters against the dangers of standing up too quickly.

Meanwhile at Conservative Party HQ, Michael Gove snorts another line of cocaine off Rishi Sunak's belly button.