[SoftAnnaLee]

The OP reminds me of some of the aromantic and asexual folk I've known. Not necessarily prescribing any label on his account. Just merely a thought based on a particular line is one I've heard a number times; > my general reply is the combination of a lack of opportunities and a lack of desire

That said, I am very interested in hearing him extrapolate his thoughts further. I do use the aromantic and asexual label myself (in particular the gray aroace label), though I always find the little nuances in how different people express themselves incredibly fascinating.

[kayodelycaon]

This might get a little weird... but I think some people might be interested in my perspective on intimacy and relationships.

I'm asexual, but not aromantic (or adverse to sex). "Relationships" aren't high on my priority list. All of my friendships are platonic and I'm quite happy with that. Where it gets weird for people is several of them are emotionally intimate and physically tactile.

For men in the US, touch is wrapped up in sex and relationships. The idea of cuddling with someone else without any sexual relationship is strange. It's one of the reasons I'm drawn to the furry fandom. For the most part, furries know some people have a need for touch without a need relationships or sex and don't consider it weird. (Whether or not a given furry will respect that boundary that is a very different thing.)

If it's hard to imagine what this is, think of how a dog or cat curls up on your lap. That's basically how I feel about physical closeness. It has nothing to do with the deep of my friendship and everything to do with how my friend feels about it.

So... relationships.

All of my emotional needs are fulfilled by my friends. Living with someone else seems like too much effort for not enough reward. I don't need sex... I have people I can touch... I have people I can call if I need help... If housework or rent was an issue, I could get a roommate. What's left? :)

[Gigachad]

The furry fandom is honestly the easiest way to meet people imo. I recently moved city and the first thing I did is locate the local group and see what the events are. See there is a weekly bar meet so I show up and everyone immediately treats you like a long time friend. People are pretty respectful of your boundaries but you can almost use it like a dating scene if you want. So much better than apps.

[SoftAnnaLee]

Honestly, I very much relate to how you've described yourself. And honestly I feel like this correlates to how a lot of relationships work within queer communities as well (which isn't surprising considering the overlap in furry and queer circles). Where you have friends, partners, and folks in the weird grey in-between areas whom may be equally important in your life; regardless of whether you're dating, having sex, or just people you want to be around.

Which brings me to noticing how weird a lot of the folks in this thread are about relationships that aren't the typical "man and woman dating and having sex". And casting a lot of assumptions and negative connotations with the OP not fully diving in and desiring such a relationship.

[magneticnorth]

He actually published a follow-up today discussing his thoughts on whether he might be asexual or aromantic: https://lukasrosenstock.net/2023/04/12/the-word-asexual.html

I found it quite telling that he seems sure he's not aromantic because of experiencing romantic love, but is not sure whether he's asexual. That seems to me like a strong signal that he is asexual, or at least much closer to it than most people.

[resoluteteeth]

It's sort of surprising that someone would write a whole blog post like this in 2023 and not even mention the terms aromantic or asexual even if to just say that he rejects those labels. But maybe most people on HN aren't aware of those terms either?