[colmvp]

It's really strange, people here are encouraging about online dating and you'd think it'd be easier than ever to find a compatible mate what with the ability to have "access" to people you'd never encounter otherwise.

Yet, I've been doing it for about six years on and off and had one lengthy relationship from it (we broke up after we realized we had incompatible difference). I thought in some ways it'd get easier in ones late 30s where people tend to have a focus on wanting to settle down.

I have a lot of great friends, well paying job/profession, have a pretty comfortable amount of financial assets, a handful of interesting hobbies, I volunteer, mentor juniors to level up in their career... I kind of don't really know what more I can really offer. Yeah sorry, I can't become taller or change my ethnicity or face. At the same time, I'm grounded enough to not try matching women who are incredibly attractive.

I'm not filtering out based on race, past marriages, or whether they already have children, and it's still like months upon months of no replies or mediocre first dates.

[armchairhacker]

Online dating is so bad. It’s probably good for a certain type of person who is extroverted and has a cookie-cutter personality and dates based off shallow first impressions, but even then I doubt it. For both men and women in different ways.

The fact that “online dating” as it is now is considered a serious alternative, makes it seem that the current dating situation is really messed up. My understanding is that the still-reliable way to get dates is to be in a community where everyone knows each other and most people date within the community (e.g. small town or school or job). But if you’re not in a community it’s a lot harder, because there are so many creeps and trolls everyone is either closed off or weird, with the very rare viable partner who just hasn’t been exposed enough to become closed off themselves.

[distrill]

It definitely makes some things easier, like being able to filter out wholly uninterested parties, and you can quickly get to important logistical conversations like being direct about what you're looking for.

But it also gives the people on the other side of the app access to literally everyone who's interested in them.

So while it may seem easier than having to walk up to strangers in a bar, you also now have to be picked out of way more people than the other folks in the bar with you.

[maxerickson]

You aren't asking for advice, but oh well. Don't decide for other people whether they will be interested in you or not.