[comeondude]

Thank you.

It was a long winding journey. Generational trauma is definitely a real thing.

I tried a lot of things, from therapy to drugs to sex clubs, was grasping at straws, trying to understand what was happening.

It was a complicated and personal journey, but my biggest breakthrough occurred when I surrendered to the healing powers of my body and spirit.

I had to just stop and do nothing, and just allow all the hurt, shame, and fear come up to be processed. My ego fought like hell to keep them suppressed.

My mind was a storm of self-abuse, thoughtforms that told me that I was worthless and to be destroyed. I had to learn how to accept them and return to my heart (my emotional center) and just practice sitting with my feelings. Over time these thoughts dissipated, and I saw that they were driven by unrecognized emotional energy and signals from my body.

I was fortunate that I managed to create a situation that allowed me to lie fallow for a long time to heal.

There were many layers, but the crux of my issues was being severed from my authentic self. This happened because I grew up in a household with a lot of emotional abuse and coercive control, to the point where I suppressed myself and created a persona to survive.

If you read accounts of cult-abuse survivors, it’s like their real self is always trying to break through but they have been trained or mislead into ignoring themselves.

My experience was very similar.

I could write more about this, but pivotal points were recognizing that I had agency, learning how to trust my body and emotions over my ego, and understanding that at our core, we are love.

Had to learn how to love myself unconditionally basically; a constant practice.

[comeondude]

And a big part of the self-love journey was learning how to truly take care of myself. How to eat properly, how to rest, cutting out toxic people from my life, becoming clear with my boundaries, forgiving myself, accepting my pace of progress, and so on.

Once I recognized the pain in my heart, I just kept returning to it, and over time that guided me towards the truth.