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beerpls | 2 years ago
I had a stranger recently come up to me and ask to come to an event I was inviting others to. No problem! Come along
But the thing is the dude was very shy and awkward. Which isn’t a problem, but definitely cast a bit of a cloud over our social event
All of a sudden I was managing him, taking time and focus out of my night to make him feel welcome. I’m sure he didn’t intend it, but he didn’t make it seem as though he were ungrateful
There are so many little social cues to make social work. And if you’re not even remotely part of the group, you’re probably going to clash
Which is all well and good - it’s let of meeting people… but this guy was just blowing through town. All the investment for what? So he could be 1,000 miles away next week? (he said he would be)
The problem with nomads or even superficial travelers is you are taking from the environment you travel to but rarely give much back. And as the trend grows this back and forth becomes tiring fast
So basically if you’re going to travel or be a nomad - be a badass people want to be around. Commit to it and be ready when you get there to shine a personality. If you can’t do it in an environment and culture you’re familiar with - respect the people you travel to by working on yourself first.
Don’t expect other people to be the prop up to make your life interesting
em-bee|2 years ago
Which is all well and good - it’s let of meeting people… but this guy was just blowing through town. All the investment for what? So he could be 1,000 miles away next week? (he said he would be)
that made me think of this song: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heute_hier,_morgen_dort
be a badass people want to be around
i am probably just like most average introverts, but i don't have problems at tech events, it really depends though. today i was at a meetup of people building brick models (LEGO and alternatives), a hobby i share on the sides. it was way more difficult for me to join that group because i don't have the experience and background as most others, and if it wasn't for people i had already known online, i probably would have acted like your friend there.
on tech events on the other hand i can contribute with my experience, all you need to do is to get me to start talking. likewise any community that is curious about visitors, like my religious community which is always welcoming stories from other countries, which meant i was welcome everywhere i went.
other groups are those where it is possible to integrate without a long history. irish folk sessions. show up with an instrument and play. instant integration. dungeons and dragons. i found a group that would run weekly one-off's. while multiple sessions followed an overall storyline, each session was designed so that it didn't matter who and how many players joined. the DM was ready for anything, the only rule was that all players were at level 5 and had the same number of points to create their characters, so they were all of similar strength. instant integration. board game meetups were even more open. every week i'd see different people. again, easy to integrate.
it does help to have a variety of interests. irish folk sessions were sparse outside of western countries (only in big cities with lots of expats), board games and dnd too. tech events are a lot easier.
beerpls|2 years ago
Being social and fitting in is a skill like any other. So many people in tech believe they don’t need to work this particular muscle and it shows
Can you talk about things with a stranger at length that aren’t in your core interests?
Can you make people interested in what you’re talking about even if they’re not exactly your kind of people?
Do you have confidence when you speak, at least enough to get your words across? Do you enjoy being around others in a purely social situation?
All these kinds of things are important. And personally I think they should be developed before one injects themselves into foreign places. For safety as much as the respect of those you travel to
unknown|2 years ago
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