[beerpls]

It was just a casual bbq with very relaxed friends.

Being social and fitting in is a skill like any other. So many people in tech believe they don’t need to work this particular muscle and it shows

Can you talk about things with a stranger at length that aren’t in your core interests?

Can you make people interested in what you’re talking about even if they’re not exactly your kind of people?

Do you have confidence when you speak, at least enough to get your words across? Do you enjoy being around others in a purely social situation?

All these kinds of things are important. And personally I think they should be developed before one injects themselves into foreign places. For safety as much as the respect of those you travel to

[em-bee]

I think they should be developed before one injects themselves into foreign places

i am going to have to disagree with this. if anything i found doing this a lot easier in foreign places than at home. so if i would have waited until i was able to do that at home, then i would never have been able to leave in the first place.

and you know what, after three decades i still feel uncomfortable in a room when i don't know anyone and i rely on others to welcome me. i don't know what or how i should have learned anything other than keep doing it, be patient and to try not be too awkward.

i have literally just been through this experience today. in a group of tech people that all had the same cultural origin as me too. a few people talked to me and i was able to join the conversation.

to answer your questions: i have a variety of interests, some stronger some less, (like most science topics, even if i know nothing about them are interesting) but if it's not about any of those, like most sports or chit chat about celebrities, then i'll struggle. i'll listen, but i may not have much to say.

i don't know if i can make people interested but i can talk to them if they are interested in a way they will understand.

i can speak confidently, and i don't shy away from social situations, but how much i enjoy that depends on everyone there. today was so-so. nobody made me feel unwelcome, but i have experienced much more welcoming groups (mainly from other cultures, most notably africans). so today wasn't bad, but it was somewhat mentally exhausting, just as i expected it

sometimes you just can't predict what happens when you join an event with people you don't know. at one event i talked to someone for 5 minutes, and half a year later he invited me to work with him on his project. at another, after attending a few times, one of the organizers talked to me and eventually became one of my best friends even though he hardly spoke my language, and i don't speak his.

i would not have been able to live such a life rich of experiences if i had stopped myself due to the challenges i face interacting with other people.

actually so far from my experience, the only group of people that seems to have difficulties to welcome others into our groups, is us.