[rafavento]

You went through a highly traumatic event. Be kind to yourself. What I read in between the lines is that you maybe have too high expectations for someone that experience such a thing recently. You're young and you have plenty of time to recover. Pick the one thing you enjoy the most and focus on that for a while. See if that helps.

Let yourself recover.

You're already asking for help, though HN may not be the ideal venue for this. Try to get into therapy (of whatever kind helps you the most).