[anbende]

Oof, as a psychologist that deals a lot with people who were abused and mistreated, this is a pretty big generalization.

Yes, as we age we come to see things from a more experienced perspective and the perspectives of the adults we grew up with and change, but going all the way to "that is why it is important to forgive your parents" is a big big step.

It is typically a good idea to try to get to forgiveness, you're right, but there's a lot of very indefensible behavior out there.

[thenerdhead]

Forgiveness is a loaded word.

I am not talking about forgiveness as an act, but as an attitude here. You probably know better than most of us what that means.

The attitude can be generalized as you just did in even your response. The act however, shouldn't.

[thanksbucko]

You may have a skewed view of the frequency of that level of abuse, due to the (very important) work you do. When it comes to humans there are exceptions to every rule, but not every single exception needs be called out. Not everything is “problematic” nor worth an “oof”.

[anbende]

It’s simply an example, though a somewhat extreme one, of the problem with the GP’s generalization.

I think it actually relates to the original article. There’s a difference between mere interpretation and what actually happened.

“You should forgive your parents, because one day you’ll be older and see their perspective” collapses “interpretations develop and mature” with “some events are a problem”.

Both can be forgiven and it’s probably a good idea to do so. I think it’s not helpful to generalize in that way.

Also abuse happens a lot. It may not be the majority but it is NOT rare.

I stand by my objection in this case

[mrguyorama]

We have statistics and they are not pretty. The CDC reports that 1 out of every 7 children have experienced child abuse or neglect in the last year. That doesn't even include stuff that technically isn't abuse or neglect but rather just damaging parenting: Plenty of kids had their parents impress upon them some personal neurosis out of their own traumatized problems, and now you start another cycle of that person causing issues in their kids unless they get help for that or find ways to avoid it.

I would consider one out of seven to be "problematic" and "oof" worthy

[simonh]

I think it's fair to say it's something we should all strive for if we're able.