This is gut-wrenching to read and my heart truly goes out to Jake and his family.
My mother-in-law had this diagnosis and same course of treatments although she was able to keep half her tongue before the cancer eventually returned with a vengeance. Only now reading these visceral, gripping diaries do I realize how poorly I understood her physical and emotional experience.
I am very, very hopeful that the coming generations of AI enhanced research will accelerate us quickly out of these almost unbelievably brutal treatments and into therapies that work non-destructively.
It's very hard, and, yes, the treatments we're collectively using are still primitive. FWIW it looks like I'm in a relatively promising clinical trial, and the primary treatment is likely to be less hard than surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy, but recurrent / metastatic head and neck squamous cell carcinoma (RN HNSCC) kills. It's conceivable but unlikely I'll somehow survive, but my understanding is that most people in the field think that it'll take some combination of treatments to make any substantial progress.
I do not know how people can deal with the reality of their own death - every time I think about deeply or read an article about it it just destroys my entire day. The author is much braver than I am. I am very scared of death, and what happens before (illness, losing autonomy). So far I haven't found a way to accept it.
More then a decade I made the decision to kill myself. Came within a few millimeters from succeeding. My mother caught me in the backyard wearing a sweater and jeans drenched in gasoline with a lighter in my hand. My mother was never really athletic or decisive, but she moved as faster then I'd have ever seen her in my life. Hugged me hard and refused to let go no matter how hard I struggled. Took me longer to realize why she was doing that. For me to burn, I'd have to burn her as well... and she knew damned well I could never do that.
The only reason I'm here is for her sake, but only just. After she is gone that there's little else that compels me to stay.
It's not as if I'm unafraid of dying. It frightens me just as much as it does you. But even now don't find living to be more appealing, for reasons I cannot remember anymore. I'm just here, a clock in the shape of a person that's waiting to die.
My friend, it may be one of the most important lessons you learn. I have Stage IV lung cancer and have had some brain metastases along the way which can thankfully be cleared quickly (mostly due to my proximity to boston).
I do not know how much longer I have in the world. It may be 1 year, it may be 20. What I do know is that for my current mental health, I work to get to a place where I can greet death as a long-lost friend.
I have been in the same boat and this is a realization that pretty much cured me:
Fear of death is not rational. There is nothing like "being dead" more than there is anything like "not being born". Our anxiety of our mortality is just a cruel evolutionary accident. Feeling scared when facing possible death is an evolutionary function for making animals avoid dangers. Unfortunately for humans we got a brain that can simulate the future very well, and we can understand that we will die. These two generates our fear of death. Again, the fear we feel is not based in anything rational, since we will never experience being dead.
Hi, I came here to tell the exact opposite, so I guess this is a good idea to do this as an answer to your comment. I feel like death is what makes life beautiful and precious. Because if you have an infinite amount of something, this is really not precious at all, is it? This is actually a central theme is Buddhist mythology: the realm of humans is seen as the most worthy place to be born, because it is mortality that gives one the possibility to understand and practice the teachings of the buddha. There are higher realms, where beings live many eons and with very little suffering - nice for the time it lasts, but it makes them unable to really understand the preciousness of live, and ends in bad karma and rebirth in a lower realm.
Knowing my life is finite is what makes me cherish beautiful moments. This actually often a consequence of fatal diagnoses: I could for instance observe how my father in law inceeased his interest in my children pretty much overnight after he was given one year to live by an oncologist.
There are meditation techniques focused on the awareness of death, and they can be very liberating: my favorite is called "the 9 contemplations of Atisa", if you want to look it up. I personally added a few contemplations to it, to take into account the secular setup in which we live: I find it extremely helpful to ponder the fact that we do not, and will likely never, be able to know what death is and what is the nature of consciousness. Maybe it is the end of everything, but maybe it is also the reunion with the great everything, or I will be reborn as a butterfly.
I also find the "charnel grounds" meditation to be very freeing, but some people do freak out there, so take your time.
It's the one thing that's consistently sat in the back of my mind since age 5 and hasn't left
The only response I have is this: the stress from thinking about dying makes life expectancy go down, so logically if you want to avoid death you shouldn't think about it in excess (this whole thing is contradictory, but a contradiction is the best thing I have)
My mom has ALS, got it completely out of the blue without any family history, and she had long living parents too. Thankfully in my country the care is okay, the government pays a nurse so she can stay at home and get help when needed etc. But it hurts to watch the degeneration, and I don't understand why more countries do not allow assisted suicide?
I am not afraid of dying really, but more so that I get stuck in a very bad condition that is like hell and I have to suffer a lot. If I had the option of medically assisted suicide, it would somewhat eliminate that fear as I would know that I have that option..
One thing I use to cope with it is that I am only 27 and maybe in few decades there are better treatments, at least one can hope right.. But looking at treatments for neurodegenerative illnesses, it seems they have gotten absolutely nowhere
As someone who does not fear death anymore I would ask you to find out what exactly it is you fear? If you have regrets or something you have not done you want to do you should either go do that or be at peace that you did not do it. Sometimes you also need to realize that what you are regretting you should not be. For example sometimes not taking advantage of an opportunity which you may be regretting actually led to something else much greater.
If you fear for the people around you having to deal with your death you can take precautions and make their life easier.
If you fear debilitating illness you always have the option of going when you decide[1] and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Same for me - I think this is a profound contradiction between the unique ability of humans to think about the future (which enables them to know that they will one day die) and the basic self-preservation instinct which all living beings have.
Have you ever been very ill, or ill for longer periods of time? My guess is that much of a fear of death is a fear of the unknown, and a fear of unknown suffering.
People who have been deathly or chronically ill have less fear of death than those who have been healthy most of their lives, partly because they know suffering, and partly because death can be promise of a future relief rather than a punishment for them.
You will lose that fear if you are miserable long enough. I went through a divorce (and subsequent estrangement from my child) that left me deeply depressed and devastated. The depression eventually lifted, but the bleakness changed me in a lot of ways. I don't fear dying much. In a lot of ways, I feel I've already taken the worst life can offer.
I've had two surgeries where I've had to be put under. It kind of helped, as far as my anxiety for death goes.
I went from counting backwards, to being awoken, in what felt like an instant. No grand dreams or things like that...just waking up and feeling groggy in what felt like a couple of seconds, when in reality 60-90 minutes had passed.
But, what if I hadn't woken up - what if I had died on the operating table? It would still have been lights out and absolute nothingness.
I can only hope that death will be the same. One minute you're there, then nothingness. The process of dying seems to be much worse than death itself, so I hope I'll go quickly (huge aneurism, massive heart attack, etc.) or heavily sedated.
Death does not mean illness or loss of autonomy. Death is where we came from before birth, and where we return when we die again. The particles of our body are composed of others present and past. The self is an illusion, manifesting as ego.
Your feelings are valid but I struggle to understand. I’m afraid of death too but in a visceral way (don’t jump off a cliff, don’t drink poison, etc). I know I’m going to die and think about it sometimes but it doesn’t bother me in the abstract.
You can't think or reason your way to accepting death. Nor can others explain it. You reach that acceptance through having certain experiences. Long periods of suffering being one of those experiences.
I have made peace with mortality because it's something I literally can't do anything about. No amount of doing or worrying or indeed caring can nor will affect my eventual and inevitable death.
I might die tomorrow (or today!) or 50 years from now and I will definitely be dead a hundred years from now regardless of whatever I do. So I don't worry about it, because it's a simple waste of my precious and limited time.
Remember the old saying: Death and taxes are the two guarantees in life.
my impression is that you are closer to accepting death then you think. almost nobody can face death without fear. most people simply deflect this fear by means of platitudes and smart mental constructs. this is all just empty words as soon the time comes.
My aunt - one of 9 kids, and the only one who assiduously avoided alcohol and tobacco - died at 60 from cancer on her tongue. It took about 6 months from diagnosis to death.
You never know when your life will change. Death is possible anytime, but also an accident, injury, death of a loved one, it can be anything. I had an early-to-mid-life crisis in my early 30s where my own mortality became much more real to me and it altered my thinking and behavior.
I honestly can’t say if a quick, sudden, unexpected death is preferable to a long, drawn out, terminal death that gives a long time for careful thinking and study. I think I would prefer the latter despite the indignities and pain that you succumb to, as the author clearly shows. The idea that you can be walking down the street and have a heart attack or aneurysm is deeply disturbing to me, although I know people who died this way and it is a fairly likely way to die.
We should always, always, always be thankful for what we have. If you wake up and you can walk, if your children are healthy, if you have food to eat. So often today we let small grievances and petty issues ruin our happiness. In reality these problems are nothing compared to true suffering.
A friend is a hospice worker for dying children, who helps assemble their memory books and plan their final events and wishes. She does this work week after week with multiple children at a time. Imagining the slow death of my own child, planning memories, explaining to them about heaven, it is an astronomical amount of suffering that I cannot force myself to follow a logical thought experiment to conclusion.
I have followed along with this brave man’s story. It can happen to anyone, at any time.
One idea that comforts me is that every single living creature that existed before me has died, and every creature that exists now will die, and everything in the future will die. You cannot have the gift of life without the curse of death. While we all die alone, we all experience death - it is only lonely in the actual experience but it is something that all of us will participate in.
Both of my parents are simultaneously dying from different forms of cancer. My father the same as yours (it started in his upper gum line). My mother a rare form of bile duct cancer. They’re not the sort to engage in psychedelics, but I suppose in some way their deep religious beliefs and experiences served the same purpose.
Your story and others I’ve read have really helped me understand the turmoil they’re facing internally and externally, and to analyze what I’ve been feeling to this point.
Perhaps a brief trip into the unknown is in my future.
You're welcome and I'm sorry to hear about your parents; some things in life just suck and dying from cancer is among them.
I know extremely religious people who find psychedelics enhance their religious feelings and practice (that said I obviously know nothing about your parents). If you're curious, send an email.
Aside from sympathy, I also feel a sense of awe, admiration, and respect for the fighting spirit this guy has.
He had his tongue removed to increase his odds, is struggling with the basic sensations of being alive, is also acutely aware of staring death in the face, and yet he's talking about clinical trials and the future.
Even if he loses the battle, I feel there is something gained by having fought it.
But of course, no matter how grim the odds, a loss is never guaranteed. I hope he someday writes a post titled "remission".
What a brave man to write this piece. Amazing strength.
The persistent intrusive thoughts about whether this thing, life, is worth it, remain. They’re not questions therapy can help with. They’re questions intrinsic to the damage.
This sucks but I wonder if it’s nature way of making the end easier? At some point one must reason that eternal rest is a better option ?
Assuming the scientific understanding of nature in which the main driver of evolution is successful reproduction, there doesn't seem to be much room for a mechanism to emerge from natural processes that makes dying easier.
That being said, I'm not much of a materialist these days and think there is something more to reality than purely mechanistic physical laws.
My brother passed from Multiple Myeloma earlier this year. This was a rather rare instance of that disease as my brother was turning 30 in the year he contracted it. Usually you’re much older if you contract it and it may be found once something else is found.
What he would not be able to explain is how the palliative care went. I expect the author wont be able to unless he is lucky (or unlucky depending on your views on life and death) to last months/years. Unless you set aside a good bit of money/have a fairly good facility near you, you’re probably going to rely on friends and family for care. In the US your insurance should cover the palliative care facility and their efforts but getting a dedicated bed will cost extra. My brother worked for Apple and they did an outstanding job being supportive and had a lot of extra programs and perks to help cover many of the costs.
I’m located on the East Coast but took two months off from work to help care for my brother. He ended up just needing three weeks. He wrote that post right in the in between of a decline that “gradually and then suddenly” would accurately describe. He went from being cleared to drive to unable to do so within two weeks
His actual death was due to chronic kidney disease and the eventual renal failure/body tail spin. Eventually eating and drinking wasn’t a reasonable or interesting thing to do. You’re in a race to consume calories but unable to keep them in your body. Your next thought might be, “drink sugar water” but you’re also limited in how much water you can drink and managing sodium and potassium in your body. Also at this point there is no outsmarting your predicament. This is where your mind goes in alternating cycles. Eventually things go poorly enough that your blood oxygen level plummets and you lose consciousness. From that point what you experience is all a thought experiment for medical professionals and the people wondering if you’re feeling any more pain at this point.
If you find yourself in this situation you need to find good advocates that will help you find some ability to become ready to die and eventually tell you that you’re done fighting and to enjoy the time you have. My brother got a day and a half of not having to think about potassium and sodium and dialysis before he became unresponsive and another few days before he passed. If I am in charge of advocacy again I’d try to extend that to at least the last week. In our case that wouldn’t have been too hard to do because they started warning us that his BP and pulse were marginal for dialysis and they were threatening to decline treatment in several sessions.
Once you get to Palliative Care, and especially the point all treatment has been stopped, your advocates/family will be the ones giving you drugs to keep you comfortable. The palliative care providers train your advocates/caretakers on how to give morphine and other drugs. If you’ve picked people that are particularly well organized they'll take good care of you between the nurse visits.
Keep emotionally unstable people away from the nurses. We almost lost my brother’s care because one of his friends stopped taking his medications and seeing his therapist the week he heard the bad news. This turned into a really bad situation where the nurses were just a moment from walking out the door.
Palliative Care is not fun but I have a hard time imagining a more humane way to go aside from legal assisted suicide.
Sure, your 20s is the end of the easy part. Between natural growth of your body, and the hot-house environment of organized schooling, you can't help but grow. You become more capable and aware each year just by living. But you leave the greenhouse in your 30s. Your hormones stabilize, and the impersonal bureaucracies around you are more interested in extracting value than improving you. You miss it because youth is wasted on the young.
As an adult, any growth, or increase in personal capacity will only happen as the result of choices and actions you make. But you might be very surprised how much you can still grow. It is cliche, but I've watched a lot of men turn 40 and 50, and they are either in the best shape of their life, or heading downhill and picking up steam.
Dude, I'm 45 ... 30 is nothing. I had the best years of my life between 20-40. And after that it only deteriorated (depression, substance abuse) because of bad relationships and choices I made.
I was driving up to my country home from work one day at 33 when it hit me. I will never experience anything better than I already have. Beautiful loving wife, a healthy boy and girl, a quiet country home. Peace, security, food, clean water, a comfortable home and friends, boundless education.
I was right. It was all down hill from there. I make twenty times more money now, and it only matters to me as a way to prevent my family from want. The best has come and gone. My remaining mission is to alleviate human suffering and die without suffering myself.
I can't really blame people for the silly shit they do (check Google News for examples). Most have never had or even come close to the privilege and love I have experienced--or maybe someone shielded them from the consequences of their actions, which makes for intolerable adults. For me to judge them using the experience I know would be ridiculous. I remember my consciousness snapping into its current state one day at three years old--like a sudden awakening. Since that moment in that old farm house in Ohio, my existence has left me in awe.
My older brother was aborted. My younger brother was born with a life threatening disease. All the men in my family are dead, save for myself and my oldest cousin, due to the import of heroin following our most recent war (the price of oil is very high). It's lonely now and tough to look forward.
I can relate but i can also say that there is a good chance that you will dig yourself out of this hole if you don't give up. I did and i enjoy my life now.
>He had no fear. He would always say, “We can’t fight it and eventually we all have to go sometime.” For the several years prior, we’d drive past the cemetary he was going to be buried at, as it was on the way to his doctor’s appointments, and I’d say to him, “That’s where you’re going to lie for an eternity.” And he would say, “Don’t remind me.” The last time I drove him to the hospital and we were driving past, I said the same thing to him. And this time, he said to me, “I think I’m ready.”
[+] [-] Multiplayer|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jseliger|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] EZ-E|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] thqoeraway|2 years ago|reply
The only reason I'm here is for her sake, but only just. After she is gone that there's little else that compels me to stay.
It's not as if I'm unafraid of dying. It frightens me just as much as it does you. But even now don't find living to be more appealing, for reasons I cannot remember anymore. I'm just here, a clock in the shape of a person that's waiting to die.
[+] [-] borbulon|2 years ago|reply
I do not know how much longer I have in the world. It may be 1 year, it may be 20. What I do know is that for my current mental health, I work to get to a place where I can greet death as a long-lost friend.
[+] [-] cambaceres|2 years ago|reply
Fear of death is not rational. There is nothing like "being dead" more than there is anything like "not being born". Our anxiety of our mortality is just a cruel evolutionary accident. Feeling scared when facing possible death is an evolutionary function for making animals avoid dangers. Unfortunately for humans we got a brain that can simulate the future very well, and we can understand that we will die. These two generates our fear of death. Again, the fear we feel is not based in anything rational, since we will never experience being dead.
[+] [-] aftoprokrustes|2 years ago|reply
Knowing my life is finite is what makes me cherish beautiful moments. This actually often a consequence of fatal diagnoses: I could for instance observe how my father in law inceeased his interest in my children pretty much overnight after he was given one year to live by an oncologist.
There are meditation techniques focused on the awareness of death, and they can be very liberating: my favorite is called "the 9 contemplations of Atisa", if you want to look it up. I personally added a few contemplations to it, to take into account the secular setup in which we live: I find it extremely helpful to ponder the fact that we do not, and will likely never, be able to know what death is and what is the nature of consciousness. Maybe it is the end of everything, but maybe it is also the reunion with the great everything, or I will be reborn as a butterfly.
I also find the "charnel grounds" meditation to be very freeing, but some people do freak out there, so take your time.
[+] [-] mvncleaninst|2 years ago|reply
It's the one thing that's consistently sat in the back of my mind since age 5 and hasn't left
The only response I have is this: the stress from thinking about dying makes life expectancy go down, so logically if you want to avoid death you shouldn't think about it in excess (this whole thing is contradictory, but a contradiction is the best thing I have)
[+] [-] viking123|2 years ago|reply
I am not afraid of dying really, but more so that I get stuck in a very bad condition that is like hell and I have to suffer a lot. If I had the option of medically assisted suicide, it would somewhat eliminate that fear as I would know that I have that option..
One thing I use to cope with it is that I am only 27 and maybe in few decades there are better treatments, at least one can hope right.. But looking at treatments for neurodegenerative illnesses, it seems they have gotten absolutely nowhere
[+] [-] sschueller|2 years ago|reply
If you fear for the people around you having to deal with your death you can take precautions and make their life easier.
If you fear debilitating illness you always have the option of going when you decide[1] and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
[1] https://www.exit.ch/en/
[+] [-] rob74|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] byvirtueof|2 years ago|reply
People who have been deathly or chronically ill have less fear of death than those who have been healthy most of their lives, partly because they know suffering, and partly because death can be promise of a future relief rather than a punishment for them.
[+] [-] adamc|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] TrackerFF|2 years ago|reply
I went from counting backwards, to being awoken, in what felt like an instant. No grand dreams or things like that...just waking up and feeling groggy in what felt like a couple of seconds, when in reality 60-90 minutes had passed.
But, what if I hadn't woken up - what if I had died on the operating table? It would still have been lights out and absolute nothingness.
I can only hope that death will be the same. One minute you're there, then nothingness. The process of dying seems to be much worse than death itself, so I hope I'll go quickly (huge aneurism, massive heart attack, etc.) or heavily sedated.
[+] [-] devwastaken|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|2 years ago|reply
[deleted]
[+] [-] playday|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] trabant00|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] jseliger|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Dalewyn|2 years ago|reply
I might die tomorrow (or today!) or 50 years from now and I will definitely be dead a hundred years from now regardless of whatever I do. So I don't worry about it, because it's a simple waste of my precious and limited time.
Remember the old saying: Death and taxes are the two guarantees in life.
[+] [-] 2-718-281-828|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] verisimi|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] monero-xmr|2 years ago|reply
You never know when your life will change. Death is possible anytime, but also an accident, injury, death of a loved one, it can be anything. I had an early-to-mid-life crisis in my early 30s where my own mortality became much more real to me and it altered my thinking and behavior.
I honestly can’t say if a quick, sudden, unexpected death is preferable to a long, drawn out, terminal death that gives a long time for careful thinking and study. I think I would prefer the latter despite the indignities and pain that you succumb to, as the author clearly shows. The idea that you can be walking down the street and have a heart attack or aneurysm is deeply disturbing to me, although I know people who died this way and it is a fairly likely way to die.
We should always, always, always be thankful for what we have. If you wake up and you can walk, if your children are healthy, if you have food to eat. So often today we let small grievances and petty issues ruin our happiness. In reality these problems are nothing compared to true suffering.
A friend is a hospice worker for dying children, who helps assemble their memory books and plan their final events and wishes. She does this work week after week with multiple children at a time. Imagining the slow death of my own child, planning memories, explaining to them about heaven, it is an astronomical amount of suffering that I cannot force myself to follow a logical thought experiment to conclusion.
I have followed along with this brave man’s story. It can happen to anyone, at any time.
One idea that comforts me is that every single living creature that existed before me has died, and every creature that exists now will die, and everything in the future will die. You cannot have the gift of life without the curse of death. While we all die alone, we all experience death - it is only lonely in the actual experience but it is something that all of us will participate in.
[+] [-] ed_mercer|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] patryn20|2 years ago|reply
Both of my parents are simultaneously dying from different forms of cancer. My father the same as yours (it started in his upper gum line). My mother a rare form of bile duct cancer. They’re not the sort to engage in psychedelics, but I suppose in some way their deep religious beliefs and experiences served the same purpose.
Your story and others I’ve read have really helped me understand the turmoil they’re facing internally and externally, and to analyze what I’ve been feeling to this point.
Perhaps a brief trip into the unknown is in my future.
[+] [-] jseliger|2 years ago|reply
I know extremely religious people who find psychedelics enhance their religious feelings and practice (that said I obviously know nothing about your parents). If you're curious, send an email.
[+] [-] PostOnce|2 years ago|reply
He had his tongue removed to increase his odds, is struggling with the basic sensations of being alive, is also acutely aware of staring death in the face, and yet he's talking about clinical trials and the future.
Even if he loses the battle, I feel there is something gained by having fought it.
But of course, no matter how grim the odds, a loss is never guaranteed. I hope he someday writes a post titled "remission".
Godspeed, Jake.
[+] [-] notsosmart|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] ChatGTP|2 years ago|reply
The persistent intrusive thoughts about whether this thing, life, is worth it, remain. They’re not questions therapy can help with. They’re questions intrinsic to the damage.
This sucks but I wonder if it’s nature way of making the end easier? At some point one must reason that eternal rest is a better option ?
[+] [-] colordrops|2 years ago|reply
That being said, I'm not much of a materialist these days and think there is something more to reality than purely mechanistic physical laws.
[+] [-] c0balt|2 years ago|reply
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-the-fight-against-cancer-wit...
Consider checking out for more background and information (or maybe to donate).
[+] [-] Moto7451|2 years ago|reply
He did a better job of explaining how treatment went and how it went wrong here: https://www.reddit.com/r/multiplemyeloma/comments/109nxh3/ge...
What he would not be able to explain is how the palliative care went. I expect the author wont be able to unless he is lucky (or unlucky depending on your views on life and death) to last months/years. Unless you set aside a good bit of money/have a fairly good facility near you, you’re probably going to rely on friends and family for care. In the US your insurance should cover the palliative care facility and their efforts but getting a dedicated bed will cost extra. My brother worked for Apple and they did an outstanding job being supportive and had a lot of extra programs and perks to help cover many of the costs.
I’m located on the East Coast but took two months off from work to help care for my brother. He ended up just needing three weeks. He wrote that post right in the in between of a decline that “gradually and then suddenly” would accurately describe. He went from being cleared to drive to unable to do so within two weeks
His actual death was due to chronic kidney disease and the eventual renal failure/body tail spin. Eventually eating and drinking wasn’t a reasonable or interesting thing to do. You’re in a race to consume calories but unable to keep them in your body. Your next thought might be, “drink sugar water” but you’re also limited in how much water you can drink and managing sodium and potassium in your body. Also at this point there is no outsmarting your predicament. This is where your mind goes in alternating cycles. Eventually things go poorly enough that your blood oxygen level plummets and you lose consciousness. From that point what you experience is all a thought experiment for medical professionals and the people wondering if you’re feeling any more pain at this point.
If you find yourself in this situation you need to find good advocates that will help you find some ability to become ready to die and eventually tell you that you’re done fighting and to enjoy the time you have. My brother got a day and a half of not having to think about potassium and sodium and dialysis before he became unresponsive and another few days before he passed. If I am in charge of advocacy again I’d try to extend that to at least the last week. In our case that wouldn’t have been too hard to do because they started warning us that his BP and pulse were marginal for dialysis and they were threatening to decline treatment in several sessions.
Once you get to Palliative Care, and especially the point all treatment has been stopped, your advocates/family will be the ones giving you drugs to keep you comfortable. The palliative care providers train your advocates/caretakers on how to give morphine and other drugs. If you’ve picked people that are particularly well organized they'll take good care of you between the nurse visits.
Keep emotionally unstable people away from the nurses. We almost lost my brother’s care because one of his friends stopped taking his medications and seeing his therapist the week he heard the bad news. This turned into a really bad situation where the nurses were just a moment from walking out the door.
Palliative Care is not fun but I have a hard time imagining a more humane way to go aside from legal assisted suicide.
[+] [-] coolThingsFirst|2 years ago|reply
In 20s at least i had the consolation of being young but bow at early 30s there’s just nothing much to look forward to.
It’s just a drag
[+] [-] michael1999|2 years ago|reply
As an adult, any growth, or increase in personal capacity will only happen as the result of choices and actions you make. But you might be very surprised how much you can still grow. It is cliche, but I've watched a lot of men turn 40 and 50, and they are either in the best shape of their life, or heading downhill and picking up steam.
[+] [-] stef25|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] datavirtue|2 years ago|reply
I was right. It was all down hill from there. I make twenty times more money now, and it only matters to me as a way to prevent my family from want. The best has come and gone. My remaining mission is to alleviate human suffering and die without suffering myself.
I can't really blame people for the silly shit they do (check Google News for examples). Most have never had or even come close to the privilege and love I have experienced--or maybe someone shielded them from the consequences of their actions, which makes for intolerable adults. For me to judge them using the experience I know would be ridiculous. I remember my consciousness snapping into its current state one day at three years old--like a sudden awakening. Since that moment in that old farm house in Ohio, my existence has left me in awe.
My older brother was aborted. My younger brother was born with a life threatening disease. All the men in my family are dead, save for myself and my oldest cousin, due to the import of heroin following our most recent war (the price of oil is very high). It's lonely now and tough to look forward.
[+] [-] WJW|2 years ago|reply
Looking forward to hopefully another 40+ years of this.
[+] [-] codr7|2 years ago|reply
New experiences change perspective if nothing else.
Being young, naive and confused wasn't all that great if you ask me.
I have no idea why some people have to go through this process though...
[+] [-] siva7|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] arpa|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] mattbgates|2 years ago|reply
>He had no fear. He would always say, “We can’t fight it and eventually we all have to go sometime.” For the several years prior, we’d drive past the cemetary he was going to be buried at, as it was on the way to his doctor’s appointments, and I’d say to him, “That’s where you’re going to lie for an eternity.” And he would say, “Don’t remind me.” The last time I drove him to the hospital and we were driving past, I said the same thing to him. And this time, he said to me, “I think I’m ready.”
Read if you dare... https://confessionsoftheprofessions.com/the-cuban-missile-cr...
[+] [-] sgseliger23|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] darepublic|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Towaway69|2 years ago|reply
[0]=https://aeon.co/essays/how-to-ease-the-seemingly-endless-pai...
[+] [-] majikaja|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] unknown|2 years ago|reply
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[+] [-] bowsamic|2 years ago|reply
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[+] [-] coolThingsFirst|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] iancmceachern|2 years ago|reply
[+] [-] Fire-Dragon-DoL|2 years ago|reply