Ask HN: In need of SERIOUS help

[thiagofm]

I work about ~10h a day in a agency in Brazil(and I "travel" in public transport for 4h to get there). It's my first month there, but heres the deal:

- I have a degree in comp. sci.

- I can do frontend(pretty well versed in js) to backend(rails/node.js/php, you pick)

- I can speak english(rare shit here in Brazil).

- I have done like 9000 projects that I didn't finish, my fault. Most of them were to teach myself new web technologies.

- I can draw.

... and I make $1200/month(before fucking taxes).

I want to kill myself. BADLY. IT SEENS THAT I'M THE MOST UNDERPAID PERSON IN THE WORLD, from all the effort and shit that I put into it.

I'm probably the most unsuccessful "hacker" in the world.

What should I do with my life? I don't know people that could offer me something decent. I'm serious about killing myself and dieing like a hero(after all, I've tried).

[kls]

Fist of all, get help, understand that your situation is temporary and that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Don't wait, talk to someone tomorrow, suicidal thought can magnify quickly. YOU NEED TO TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL! there is someone that loves you that will be hurt very bad if they loose you, keep your mind fixed on that fact until you are better.

As for the other issues many developers are bad at extracting their worth from a company, but remember if you don't ask no one will give it to you. Think about it this way if you are at the point that you feel like you have nothing left to loose and could kill yourself, then what do you have to loose in asking for more money and if they don't give it to you, talk to another company don't convince yourself that no one will pay what you are asking you would be surprised at how many that will if they believe that you can deliver.

You are in a high growth country where things are projected to get better and better keep focused on that.

Front-end skills are in high demand, try to find some remote US work and charge US rates, get a US PO Box and bill from that address have it forward to your address in Brazil. Charging US rates to US companies will give you the advantage of not having to find as much work.

If you are suffering from depression then take an easy project from one of your many uncompleted projects and finish it. Don't focus on the fact that you have a bunch of half implemented projects, focus on the fact that you have one project to complete look at the rest of them as learning projects that you extracted value out of them by learning.

[plinkplonk]

"I have done like 9000 projects that I didn't finish, my fault."

This is fine, but that 'fault' needs fixing if you are to get anywhere in life. Effort put into a project without finishing it is mostly wasted.

Select one or two small projects that will provide some, even minimal, value to others(ideally along with teaching you something). Finish them. Put them online (github, hosted whatever). You can use your long commute to plan and think. This will help you when you try to find better work.

[Tangaroa]

Keep looking for better work. Try finding a place that does not take so long to reach. Having more time in the day will give you time to relax and possibly complete one of those 9000 projects you haven't finished yet.