[locuscoeruleus]

This sounds like spiritual bypass, which is a failure mode of mindfulness a lot of people can fall into. You say it drives your wife crazy, so it seems that being in this state doesn't actually help you resolve issues between you and your wife. It only numbs you to the conflict and puts the whole burden on your wife.

[hutzlibu]

"It only numbs you to the conflict and puts the whole burden on your wife."

Or it prevents the conflict from escalating. Panic and anger are connected, so if he found a way to be calm and stop the conversation, I guess this is way better than having the conflict in a mode of distress. So later, when both are calm, the issues can get resolved.

[dredmorbius]

Persistent antagonists and provocateurs tend to become antagonised and provoked when their attempts to antagonise and provoke fail.

That is a secondary consideration to preventing further antagonisation, provocation, and escallation of the situation itself.

That said, there seems to be an underlying interpersonal conflict, and possibly incompatibility, here.

[koprulusector]

OP never mentioned conflict. He just said he zones out and ignores his wife.

[robertlagrant]

> You say it drives your wife crazy, so it seems that being in this state doesn't actually help you resolve issues between you and your wife. It only numbs you to the conflict and puts the whole burden on your wife.

I don't understand why you're saying this. The technique wasn't primarily to resolve issues with spouse; it was to fight panic attacks.

[midoridensha]

If the OP needs to zone-out to avoid a panic attack when talking with his wife, it sounds like they have some serious marital problems, and this is just a way of avoiding dealing with them.

[foobiekr]

Please don't "you're doing it wrong" with mindfulness. Mindfulness has become almost a religion for some people who want it to be more than a pragmatic tool with various consumption styles.

The whole thing has been oversold in the same way that cannabis, etc. were. It's just a thing, utterly detached from artificial spiritual goals, and we should let people use it how they want.

[meindnoch]

You say "failure mode", but it sounds like a superpower to me.