[mxfe]

I do have anxiety. I think it is exacerbated when I use digital tools because anything can be edited/improved at any time. I can expend considerable mental resources in analysis paralysis. What should I call this user story? Do I need to break it down into smaller ones? Is this description of the issue accurate or am I being sloppy with my thinking/writing? How much specification should I do before I start coding? Do I need to document my thinking process? Do I archive or delete the user story once it's done? Do I need to transfer any of the insights acquired while completing it into long-term storage, like a knowledge management system (Zettelkasten, Notion, Confluence, ...)? And so on.

Jira to me is like a playground of torture machines haha. Oh, I can link this issue to this Confluence page. Oh, I can build a custom workflow from scratch and set conditions for issue completion. Oh, I can limit the number of cards in a column.

The weird thing is that I KNOW that I don't need any of this shit. Because I've done this many times before only to then delete all these projects and databases and go back to pen and paper. And yet, sometimes I feel like THIS TIME I'll do it right and stick with the system long enough, until it begins to return on my investment with productivity and clarity dividends. But this never happens.

Recently I've been experimenting with keeping an engineering logbook. One notebook for EVERYTHING. No tearing out pages. Chronological order, naturally. I like that all of its power is contained within the limitations of its physical form. Funny how it's the limitations that liberate.

I am rambling. But this reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from Lao Tzu: "Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?" Project management, the way I am doing it, is like stirring the water and the mud trying to force clarity.