[dwmbt]

taken me a couple of years to figure this out. moved to a medium-large city post uni with a grand delusion that i'd simply make friends and find my wife due to the virtue of living in a denser environment.

after a while, it didn't work out like i thought it would. surely, it had nothing to do with me and my inability to socialize properly? nay! i came to the naive conclusion that the city was at fault, or that we were mismated: "it's not big enough and there's not enough to do, or places to meet people. it's really far from the things i like to do, like the ocean or hiking spots." so, i moved to one of the most dense, socially-active cities in the world.

been here a while and yeah, it sucks. i think you put it best, feels a bit like a cosmic joke. there's only a few places in the world where so many people are crammed into such a small place. yet, i have no one.

i had enough and dished out some $$$ to spend 2 months in a rural town. a real quiet place, one of those towns with a single coffee shop. no whole foods or any amazon shenanigans. i miss some things, but the only times i've felt this at home have been... at home, with my parents. i think i'll move back in with them and give up on the city dream.

[dukeyukey]

In my experience moving from a tiny town to London after graduating, is big cities take way more effort on your part, but reward you more for it. Like yeah, in your hometown you'll probably run into people more and gradually get to know them better. In a big city that won't happen nearly as much.

But, a big city has _scale_. You wanna give D&D a go? There's probably a club within a mile or two of you. Fancy doing martial arts? You've got a choice of half a dozen with 20 minutes. You're a long-time hobbyist in an obscure type of Japanese figure painting? You might have to travel a bit, but your city has one of only three clubs for that hobby in the country so you win!

Basically, put in the effort. It could easily take a year or more. But get out there, be social, take initiative, and you'll find your people.

[bombcar]

The people who are "naturally social" will be social anywhere, but in a small town you can be the most antisocial person ever made, and people will get to know you, simply because you're one of the only thousand people they ever see.