[iwant2endmyself]

That right there is what I am talking about! You at least tried to create something, it failed because of other factors, not your intellect; it may have failed bcoz it ain't easy to promote a dating site without (VC) money.

I did not want to reveal this because I feel very ashamed even thinking about it: you are probably at worst a decent programmer who makes decent money working as a developer/engineer. There were two different fields I have been really interested in: Physics/Chem and Technology. With Physics/Chemistry, I tried to learn the fundamentals well, even bought a kit to experiment with, but due to a combination of not putting enough effort, erroneously thinking I can start learning later and still be better than others due to my misguided thinking that I was smarter (lol), and many times not being able to understand a lot of abstract scientific concepts that are important fundamentals, I was unable to become adept or good at Science. Moving on to tech, the same thing happened with me procrastinating, not putting in enough effort and finding it difficult to learn to code and understand technical concepts. Even little kids are able to code cool shit up and here I am not able to be consistent or smart enough to ever become good at it! I have always felt there was something off about me, my intellect, dexterity and ability to understand the world. I consoled myself by daydreaming and thinking I was smarter and can become better by working hard but I never did the hard work. Now, when I look back, I can clearly how badly dumb I was and am.