[throwaway19423]

I'm a decade older than you, have a PhD, in corporate research doing AI and feel EXACTLY the same way.

Early on, I had multiple opportunities to make a life in the Bay area. I stupidly did not take those opportunities.

My coding skills are no longer competitive and I am competing (and getting out-gunned) at the highest level.

Some of the suggestions here to build something you care about feel to ring true. I am also mulling this. It is hard to make time for this later in life but I feel there is no other way. I am also mulling taking a big pay cut and relocate the family to the Bay area. It feels very risky but I feel I won't be able to live with myself.