[jlos]

Why not both? A big part of dating is increasing your opportunities to meet someone.

Plus, asking out strangers is lots of fun. The uncertainty that comes from stepping outside scripted social interactions creates tension. And tension what sexual attraction is made of, if you can remain calm and have fun with it.

And while it doesn't have the highest chance of success, when it lands it creates this feeling of stars crossing. Two strangers make eye contact and are immediately drawn to each other? Who doesn't want that 'how'd you two meet' story?

[xp84]

I don’t dispute that the occurrence you describe is exhilarating — I remember even the hopes of it happening being thrilling, and chatting up a girl I just met was even more exciting. But it’s sad in my humble opinion that it takes a tremendous amount of bravery (and extroversion) for this to work. And not only for the asker — the “recipient” also needs to overcome their own risk aversion too (they could be a creep!)

My point is, if that is the primary way we meet partners, it leaves those with anxiety, and introverts, etc, tragically excluded.

I’m grateful I happened to find my partner before the era of high-effort dating sites dissolved and was replaced with Tinder (etc.) We actually write stuff about ourselves. I bet nobody would swipe the correct direction just based on my face.