[alexeldeib]

Fair question. This is where I’m struggling and part of the reason I ask the question.

On some things, it’s likely I neither have a chance nor would they want me interfering. I respect that.

On others, it’s clear they want help or would accept it, but don’t have the time, energy, or inclination to do it themselves. I specifically asked about several of my ideas — they’d both accept help cleaning/decluttering, and my dad would be happy with a meal service if he likes the food (he treats my mom like one, sadly).

My family didn’t grow up with traditionally strong emotional ties and I think we all wish we were a bit closer. I get what you’re saying but I’m not sure it’s letting go so much as seeing where they struggle and trying to help. My mom does actively ask for tech help, ironically, running websites with some online sales etc. She’s not great at finding solutions to help herself, or following through when she knows they’re useful (struggled to install a dash cam she bought which was basically “plug into car charger and go”).

[h2odragon]

Sympathies. I've got some similar challenges with my Mom; and a lot of history in the way.