[he11ow]

The label, like any label, is a tool, it's not who you are. It might be a good tool for you to better understand yourself (your struggles, your preferences), but still not be a great tool for others to understand and communicate with you.

For one, unless people have had direct experience with spectrum diagnosis, I think most still think of autism as the extreme end of the spectrum, of severe disability. For another, the label itself doesn't offer any knowledge of what to do differently.

In my mind, there are two things that you can do that might help:

First, it helps other people understand better when you make it about vulnerability. When you say things like "I dislike crowded spaces, it stresses me out." or "It takes me a little longer to come up with a retort, I've always been this way" it does exactly what you want: allows you to be your authentic self in a social way. Everyone has things that are outside their comfort zone, so being honest about yours is very relatable.

Second, you mention people "viewing hints of antisocial behavior". It's very challenging - to yourself and to other people in the situation - to be both "social" and "antisocial" at the same time. Social behavior requires effort from everyone. That's why advice columns have always existed, that's why there are so many self help books. Recognize that, as a baseline, practically everyone is walking around with some internal sense of inadequacy, and that in social situations most everyone puts on a front. Granted, most will understand the codes to putting on the front better than you. But the effort is there. Which is to say, if you decide you are going to be in a social situation, there isn't a way to square the circle, be anti-social and have it glide. But you can manage the effort to your capacity: step aside, limit the time, set boundaries - whatever works. It can help to know that really everyone else is doing it too.

[g4zj]

Thank you for this comment. It's very helpful.

On the subject of making it about vulnerability and being honest about my comfort zone, I worry about doing this too much. I'm uncomfortable by almost everything in social situations, and I don't know distinguish between things I should and shouldn't mention.

I don't want to seem overly sensitive to the point where people feel like they need to rethink their every action around me, but I also don't want to suffer silently if it can be avoided.

[user_7832]

A socially acceptable method would be to say something like “haha sorry I can be a bit socially awkward at times”. It’s relatable, true and explains your behaviour.