(no title)
andher
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2 years ago
Interesting. So from what I'm understanding, in your experience it is impossible to pursue goals for starting a startup or escaping the 9-5 once you have a child (or at least in the first several years of having a child?), and the 'correct' course of action is to accept that your goal is to provide and raise a family as your priority?
twojobsoneboss|2 years ago
YES, it is all-consuming. It was for me and probably for most. Obviously there are factors like grandparents help available etc, but unless you have a full time live-in maid like they have in Asia (au pairs don’t count cause they’re still 45hrs/week), there’s so many chores to do, on top of watching and entertaining the baby.
At first I tried to still do everything, but after some fights I realized I wasn’t being a good husband/father and progress was so slow on the business that it was probably not gonna make it anyway.
My current advice: If you have such unmet goals, assume that there’s a 90% chance you’ll have to give them up. Then make your decisions based on that. Which are you more willing to give up on? It could lead to very tough decisions eg splitting with your spouse, if it’s something you truly can’t see eye to eye on. Mostly if you wanna do both and still have a few childbearing years left get off your ass NOW and go for it, quit your job, whatever, it might be your last shot.
One other tidbit: with kids there’s no time to do things but there’s LOTS of time to THINK about things eg when watching them, doing dishes, etc. I would have 100x more time to think about what I could do with the business than I actually had to be on my laptop to do them. It was absolutely maddening.
EDIT to add: I do believe having kids is one of the most beautiful, fulfilling and noble acts most of us can do, and in fact for most people (who spend most of their free time on entertainment) it’s the right thing… but the sacrifice is far greater for some than others.
amerkhalid|2 years ago
I got young kids who definitely need a lot of personal attention, got appointments, playdates, driving around, etc. I could cut out a lot of these activities but then they end up watching tons of TV. I keep thinking once they are older, then I will have more time for personal projects but my friends with older kids are just as busy. If their kid is in sports, then forget about any freetime. They are always driving them to trainings, games, etc. One friend wakes up 3 in the morning to drive their kid to swim practice. They sleep in the car for 2-3 hours, then take their kid to school.
If your kids are not in the sports, then it does not look as bad but it seems they are always doing driving for their kids.
But I also think part of being a great parent is to teach your kids to pursue their dreams. And the best way to teach that is by showing them how you pursue your own dreams. Now how to do it all without burning out, I am still trying to figure out. (Or maybe I need to accept that it is not possible to do so)
twojobsoneboss|2 years ago