[HeOwnsTwitter]

Yep, age 7 and 11 were peak bullying ages. Verbal and physical abuse, scapegoating. Ignored and blamed by administration. Parents from an era where “boys will be boys”.

Now: Homeless and broke. Out of work for a long time. I let people shit all over me, even in adulthood.

I was told that adulthood would be different. In fact, it was the same as childhood, but more insidious.

I pray for death being unable to commit suicide. Failed attempts. I don’t want any help. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

Related: is it weird that the identity of my childhood bully ostensibly exists on some dossier in possession by a big tech company, and has been used as part of a demoralization campaign? How would I even know if this had occurred intentionally? Seems to me that the information secrecy and closed source nature of social media big tech firms is ripe for abusing data as part of malicious psychological warfare: bullying on algorithmic steroids. I am quite sure that this has happened to me repeatedly (google, twitter), yet there’s no pathway to inquire, etc. no accountability, no transparency. Unlike other hn users, I don’t have insider friends at those orgs to inquire.

[irfwashere]

I have felt the same way at times. Just not waking up, so nobody can say that I quit.

My advice is to focus on healing your self with therapy sessions. Assuming this might sound like bad advice to someone who is broke try to figure out which free resources are available. Maybe subreddits or users willing to help pro bono.

Just the fact that you want to inquire about social media being weaponized against you is something that I would say just log off, don't let it even get to you. There's a reason why people deactivate their social accounts. Maybe it has happened but that shouldn't concern you. Your well being is and that involves difficult conversations challenging your thoughts and expectations.

Adulthood is more insidious in this respect, yes. Because our country lacks basic things like a national health care system that can help us. We have an infinite budget for wars but the notion of helping one another is blasphemous. So you're on your own in that sense, unfortunately.

The mind is funny, it can be our best friend or own worst enemy. Do everything in your power to love and care for yourself. Everything flows from there. Your situation is not unusual or embarrassing. You're not the first and won't be the last person to experience it. Build yourself up, don't break yourself down.

[neilv]

Parent commenter should look up Medicaid in their state.

The city or state should have people to help with the forms, including social workers.

From there, they can also get connected with licensed mental health counselors.

[jahsome]

We sound similar. In my case, inpatient treatment (looney bin) has helped immensely, especially when I found myself with no where else to go.

I hope you find the peace you deserve.

[15457345234]

That's a drastic response and I'd like to say - as a person that is in good mental health - that I've observed exactly the same type of unpleasant psychological manipulation by way of the big social platforms.

I made the mistake of discussing potential relationship issues using FB messenger, over the course of a couple of weeks my feed became almost entirely toxic memetic content; infidelity memes, cuckoldry memes, 'man up bro' type of content, incel content and a lot of gradual 'pushing out'; videos of men in the woods alone hunting, people living 'happily' in vans with dogs, alone, always alone, and with a vague hint of 'you can get your revenge' thrown in there - no specific 'calls to action' but a general destabilising push. Some of it was really really awful and bleak; the man alone in the woods hunting realising the only person he can trust ever is his ever-faithful dog, it was really toxic. Also 'homeless' - I think one day I must have seen the word 'homeless' in literally every single comment I opened. I've never seen a word so many times in my life. It was incredibly strange.

I could see a person who was already quite unhappy and isolated being driven to do something really stupid if they didn't protect themselves by pulling the plug, which I did.

In addition just about every single comment section everywhere has people stirring up drama. Reddit has had to ban 'crime' posts from local city subreddits because people flood the subs with endless 'CRIME EPIDEMIC STAY INSIDE IT'S SAFE INSIDE' type posts that serve only to create tons of anxiety. It's not accidental, it's something that's being done.

I do think that a lot of the issues with homelessness, migratory behaviour and isolation within society are caused by these platforms pushing this sort of 'ah just give up on society, be an island' mentality on people.

I'd say that it's now very very hard to maintain a normal state of mental health if you make extensive use of these platforms; very hard but doable if you confine yourself to a desktop, almost impossible if you have the apps on your phone.

[deepfriedchokes]

Solutions are available. Use them. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort. You can do it. Don’t give up hope in your ability to heal and grow. If we give up hope we are lost.

[tinycombinator]

Could you elaborate on "demoralization campaign" and the "psychological warfare" happening?

[15457345234]

Read my other comment. I've observed very clearly before the social platforms throwing toxic content at you when you're discussing life troubles using their messenger applications. It's very unpleasant.

[goodluckchuck]

Facebook published research years ago showing the ability to manipulate users’ moods by changing the content on their feed and measuring engagement / sentiment of their subsequent posts.

[CamelCaseName]

Demoralization campaign..?

[HeOwnsTwitter]

Yes, for instance if a big tech company knows that a person is demoralized already (for example, out of work and isolated), and if a major life trauma event occurs for that person, create a satirical and insulting depiction of that trauma event for the person unannounced on their personalized feed. They will never know for sure whether it was intentional, which will add to the stress and demoralization effect. The big tech parter could conceivably then measure their response to help refine the psychological warfare weapon.

Another technique is to use past trauma events such a divorce or childhood abuse as part of customized content on one’s feed.

Without transparency, how could one know if this was being done intentionally or not? Big tech valuations are largely tied to information asymmetry and secrecy as such. What power could they enjoy over a user if the user was able to see all of the data they hoard and how it’s being used in full transparent detail?

[hristov]

Where do you live?

[HeOwnsTwitter]

USA

[jahsome]

Your comment is harmful at worst and helpful to absolutely no one at best.

Unsolicited "tough love" serves nothing but to inflate the ego of the hilariously naive "lover."

[sublinear]

You're not wrong. I get where you're coming from, but it's easier said than done especially if you didn't grow up with parents who teach that.

I used to be quite the doormat growing up. I wasn't bullied as much as just non-confrontational. I didn't grow up with much so didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want my adult life to be like the broke and dumb people around me. That strategy worked okay for a while, but I was never happy.

It wasn't until I felt like I had accomplished something with my life that I could relax and trust my capabilities. The confidence came slowly and I still struggle with this. What keeps me working on it is realizing when I defend myself I'm usually also defending others around me. We should do more to help each other and stand up to bullies at every stage of life.

[HeOwnsTwitter]

You’re way off base and I would prefer if you were to discontinue responding.