[human_person]

Do you know why it will make the other person sad or angry? What do you do when they get upset? What emotional state are you bringing to the conversation? Do you respect their emotions or just get annoyed with them for being ‘irrational’ or not understanding you? Have you noticed patterns in their responses to different types of deliveries? How often do you ask questions in one on one conversations? How often do you apologize when the other person gets upset?

I’m not sure you’ll be able to find a book that will tell you what to say word for word but you might be able to learn a lot from studying your own interactions. I’d encourage you to ask open ended questions when someone doesn’t react the way you expect them to.

I try to keep in mind that everyone is a rational actor based on their values and world view. If someone seems irrational it means that I’ve misunderstood their values or some aspect of their understanding of the world. Trying to figure out where the disconnect is can often be a better use of time than just repeating myself or rephrasing my thoughts.