[telmo]

Try to find out why, and please avoid Internet "red pill" stuff. I'm not telling you this as any sort of political statement nor am I trying to fight any culture wars here. This is just the advice of a middle-age guy with perfectly mediocre / average looks, and some life experience.

From what I observe, 9 times out of 10 the problem lies in personality. I know plenty of guys with no money and no looks that have no trouble attracting the interest of the opposite sex. Why? Because they have a great personality, as in, it feels good to be around them. Furthermore, people who rely only on look and status to attract a partner and do not work on themselves are unlikely to have a happy relationship in the long term.

I am not blaming people for having unappealing personalities. This is usually the product of things that are outside of their control, usually some sort of trauma. Life is not fair. A lot of people are traumatized and do not realize it. This can be overcome, but you must want to overcame it and you must be able to face harsh truths. Maybe therapy can help, maybe meditation, maybe even things that are considered "woo" but that allow you to face your demons. Whatever works and clicks with you is a valid answer. All roads lead to Rome if you are courageous enough.

Check out this guy, I have the impression he is particularly suited for the HN demographics: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG

Good luck man, you can do it!

[grepLeigh]

I also don't want to dredge up culture wars stuff, but just wanted to say it's really nice to see men warning other men away from the redpill path. Thanks for encouraging therapy and self-healing.

[silverquiet]

Do you think living with my parents due to disability could be an issue?

[j45]

Probably someone else who has had the same experience and understands you completely.

The question comes into whether you've continue to apply self-effort towards your inner growth, like the other person may have.

When we go about seeking our best way, it increases the chances of meeting others doing the same.

[bckr]

Awesome, I recommended the same channel.

[j45]

This channel looks to be a solid recommendation.

Personality is everything, and can be developed from leveraging one's sincere ability to be curious.

As someone who accidentally outgrew gaming after playing them more than anyone I knew, a channel by this name, with this kind of content can shine the path forward to other equally interesting sides of one's self.

In my case, I rediscovered creating and building things was more interesting than playing in others worlds.

I never really quit gaming. I just didn't identify as someone who played games any longer.

[Spooky23]

Good advice.

In my observation, especially as you get out of your 20s, single guys are… kinda phone it in for various reasons. Even moderate effort makes a dude a rockstar.

[Der_Einzige]

This kind of advice is such garbage.

No, reading "come as you are" or any of the shit bell hooks writes doesn't just fix issues for people like the OP. Telling them then that they have a "bad personality" is so fucked up. Personality is subjective, and most people on earth can find others who believe that their own personality is "perfect".

Someone not being successful in the dating market does not necessarily imply that their personality is bad. Saying they have no game and implying that this speaks about their personality is really hurtful. Women's sexual selection is not the arbiter of a good personality - and indeed, given what we know about how seductive dark triad traits are, it may in fact be a signal of a bad personality.

It's pretty bad when you straight up recommend "woo" to people, and effectively say "all roads lead to rome... EXCEPT THE RED PILL!"

The reality is that no matter how garbage Tate et all are, the alternative explanations for why increasingly large amounts of men have no game are so bad that huge swaths of men get seduced by tate's bullshit.

Your kind of response only takes impressionable men who would fall for it and further entrenches their beliefs that the red pill is the "subversive", "real" way that alpha men are ending up with harems while billy the beta ends up making another HN post about typescript

[hilux]

Something can be hurtful and true. In fact, it's almost always the case that the most true and important things are hard to hear, hard to believe.

When you can accept that your problems are your own responsibility (which is not the same as "fault"), you'll start to move forward.

Yes, I'm speaking from experience. It's not easy.

[telmo]

To be clear, I didn't tell OP that he has a bad personality. I don't know OP, how could I know that? What I told him, and do know, is that in my set of experiences this is usually the problem. And I include myself in that set of experiences, to be clear.

I completely agree with you that "women's sexual selection is not the arbiter of a good personality". Women are not immune to having terrible personalities. Women, like men, are highly flawed beings. We are all human. We all have to work on ourselves. What I will say is that if you have a good personality, you are more likely to attract a partner that you can be happy with for the long term. This is precisely how you avoid dark triad people, by being self-confident, by knowing who you are, by not needing constant external validation, by not being so influenced by what other people thing of you, by being empathic but not a people pleaser.

You talk about "game". Game is transactional. Thinking in those terms attracts people with transactional mindsets. That is precisely the problem with the red pill, it guides you towards that world. It is self-reinforcing. It leads to depression and despair, because it guarantees to make you more and more aligned with the sort of people that you should avoid. It thrives on the funhouse mirror that is social media, where if you don't make a million a year and are more than 6 feet tall you might as well shoot yourself in the head, unless you use "game" (i.e. deceive people). It's a path to hell.

I did not "straight up recommend woo". What I talked about is "things that sound like woo". Which is another way to say, have an open mind to things that might seem mushy to your male brain, that are not necessarily supported by peer-reviewed studies. Be less mentally rigid, is what I am saying. Men tend to fall very easily in this trap, again me included.

I love subversive stuff. I was a teenager in the 90s, we were all edge lords back then. I miss the time when conspiracy theories were fun. We are not in that time anymore. Tate is vile. He is an abuser of men and women, and he is the one selling impressionable men on lies that will destroy their lives.

You are probably quite young or inexperienced yourself if you think that having and harem will make you happy. The idea makes me shudder. Is it possible to have an "harem"? Sure. You will be surrounded by dark triad women, or by victims who need your money. None of them will love you. Why would you want that?

[itishappy]

The advice is "find out why" and "work on yourself." I wasn't aware these were at all controversial, even within red-pill spheres.

You seem to be rejecting personality as something to be addressed at all, which is frankly shocking. I'm fascinated to know what alternatives you suggest, as your comment contains no actionable advice.

[hilux]

I can't express how much I appreciate this - thank you!