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I Know the secret to the quiet mind. I wish I'd never learned it (2021)

185 points| ianai | 1 year ago |theatlantic.com

126 comments

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lijok|1 year ago

Amazing recount.

I was fortunate to learn in 2018, at a relatively young age, that my mental faculties are the most precious thing I have in life (after my wife ofcourse). It was a very simple accident; chasing a high I let my bike get too fast going downhill on a wet road, a car on the other side was oncoming, I break, the back wheel slips out from under me, I hit my head on the road (with a helmet on). A bruised knee, elbow and shoulder, bit of pain, no damage to the bike, so I get up and continue. 15 minutes later I get home, a sharp migraine sets in, and suddenly, I realize, I can't remember how I got home. In fact, I can't remember most of last week. Luckily an MRI, an OK from a doctor and a couple of weeks later my memory returns and I'm no worse for the wear.

In that moment, when I realized I couldn't recall how I got home, the worst panic I have ever had set in. I've had two close calls with drowning and was in a car crash in the past, and have never felt the panic I had felt in that moment, just sitting comfortably at home, realizing my brain no longer works. I wasn't scared I had a brain bleed or something and would die, I was scared I would lose my mental faculties.

Since then my outlook on life has taken a complete turn. I've become a lot more cognizant of how I spend my time and what issues I engage with mentally.

What we have is precious, it can dissapear in a second, on an otherwise perfect day.

jongjong|1 year ago

I had a similar moment when I was 16 and had my first migraine aura... Really bad one. I was looking at a billboard and I realized that I couldn't read anymore. Then I looked at people and part of their faces were missing from my field of view even though I was looking straight at them. Then I started feeling tingling in my fingers. I thought it was a stroke. No, just a bad migraine aura. I've had one every 6 to 12 months since though rarely as bad as that first one.

Coming to terms with the fallibility of your own mind is a valuable experience. I think it has helped me to be more rational. Once you accept that your mind can be dysfunctional, it becomes trivial to accept that your mind can be wrong. The way I see it, being wrong is also a temporary dysfunction of the mind.

Workaccount2|1 year ago

+1 for wearing a helmet. I see so many people riding (both bicycles and even motorcycles) without one. Totally insane since even a minor accident can turn you into a drooling blob with an otherwise minor bump on the head.

cainxinth|1 year ago

> What we have is precious, it can dissapear in a second, on an otherwise perfect day.

Family friend was an accountant in NYC that used to ride around on a scooter with no helmet. Fell and hit his head one day and literally lost the ability to do complex math, permanently.

FredPret|1 year ago

Human cognition belongs on the timeline of significant events in the evolution of universe.

We may be only in the tiniest of corners (for now), but probably nothing beats it in complexity (... for now).

spacetimeuser5|1 year ago

>>realizing my brain no longer works.

So is it really you realizing your brain no longer works, or part of the brain with ownership of the rest realizing its brain no longer works?

P>S> To get still a full spectrum, let's not forget (rather rare) cases when people with 80%< of the brain filled with cerebrospinal fluid due to hydrocephaly were able to do uni math or work as accountants.

alexpotato|1 year ago

Many years ago I read an article (which I can't seem to find) that had the following key points:

- Very smart guy

- Had some kind of blood circulatory issue so reduced oxygen to the brain

- BUT was a very active cyclist so has very good cardio

- due to both of the above, he was getting enough O2 to be functional but effectively had a lower IQ

- circulatory issue was eventually identified and then corrected

His comments (paraphrased):

"Being less smart was kind of a blessing. Instead of getting frustrated when things weren't working when there were obvious solutions, my attitude changed to just accepting things.

As soon as my circulatory issues where resolved, I went right back to being frustrated."

asystole|1 year ago

Huh, interesting. Kind of a real-life Flowers for Algernon scenario.

ltbarcly3|1 year ago

I believe it was a hn or reddit post, I remember it also.

homefree|1 year ago

I remember that too - I think it was an HN comment, iirc he also had more empathy for less capable people as a result of having temporarily been less capable himself.

grecy|1 year ago

This resonates deeply with me on major hangover days... somehow life is just more basic and I find more enjoyment in nothing more than the basics.

ianai|1 year ago

She and her family were hit by a wrong way truck probably going 70 mph. It completely shattered their bodies, lives and shows how precious our moments are.

This almost feels personal to me because of how well written her account is. I’ve had terrible chronic migraines for as long as i can remember. Apparently they can be associated with brain lesions, too. I’ll clearly never know how they’ve impacted my personality.

nunez|1 year ago

As horrible as this accident is, this is also a testament to modern automotive safety. If this had happened in the 70s or 80s, they all would've been done for. I've seen reports of recent model year cars surviving these kinds of accidents while leaving their drivers unscathed.

markx2|1 year ago

After decades of migraines I was diagnosed with Chronic Daily Migraines. I was prescribed a 'under the tongue' triptan which if the migraine aura arrived during the day worked some of the time. If I woke with the migraine at 10/10 pain level than I lost the full day.

One of my daughters also had weekly migraines, lost a day at work each time.

I got a Daith piercing in my right ear - my migraines originated on the right side of my head. Yes the piercing stung, but the next day I had no migraine. The constant pain had just stopped. This was maybe 7-8 years ago. I very rarely get odd migraine symptoms - vision feels off, head feels woolly - but no pain at all.

I convinced my daughter to have a Daith. She now doesn't even get regular headaches.

Anecdotal though this is, I would suggest looking into getting this piercing. It is discreet. There is no formal research I am aware of but for this sample of two it was a huge positive.

sph|1 year ago

What a well-written story. I don't have much to add, but I can say her humour or writing talent seems to be quite sharp for someone that feels she has not completely regained her mental faculties.

Also the joke about opening a spa where she whacks stressed people with a bat so they find respite from our busy world: we already do that ourselves when we reach mental burnout. I did, and in some ways, I feel that years later, my mental sharpness is still not what it used to be. Perhaps burnout is as traumatic to the brain as a massive brain injury; certainly takes as long to heal from.

kayodelycaon|1 year ago

> Perhaps burnout is as traumatic to the brain as a massive brain injury

Wouldn’t surprise me.

I had a massive psychotic break 5 years ago. I’m pretty sure it came with physical brain damage. My memory isn’t what it used to be. There are holes in it. Apparently some of it is so completely gone, I don’t know I’ve forgotten it. Usually I know if I forgot something because there is a dangling pointer to it.

Brain damage feels distinctly different. The problems from being bipolar has very sharp lines in my brain. It’s known territory. Damage is foggy, indistinct.

Things have definitely healed and I’m getting function and a few memories back. The foggy areas have mostly cleared up. It’s been an odd experience.

keybored|1 year ago

The title says “the quiet mind”. This seems to allude to the temporary cessation of the discursive mind in (Buddhist) meditation.

> When we return to New York I take the subway to doctor appointments. I don’t take out my phone, I just sit. My brain is quiet, which I find suspicious, but also soothing. Before the accident I went to yoga retreats and tried meditation. I said things like “I just need to unplug.” Apparently what I needed was to get hit by a truck. Perhaps I have discovered the secret to a peaceful mind, and it is traumatic brain injury. I fantasize about opening an expensive spa where busy people pay me money to whack them on the head with a baseball bat.

Levity aside, I’ve never seen a master meditator discuss “quieting the mind” as a downside.

TheCleric|1 year ago

I don't think they are saying it's a downside. Quite the opposite: "but also soothing." I think she means more "If this is the price I had to pay to get there, I'd rather have a noisy mind."

poszlem|1 year ago

For some reason I found this line particularly funny and poignant:

"But did you know that you can eat whole grains and still get hit by a truck?"

anonzzzies|1 year ago

As I get older, more and more people around me get ill and die: many of them super healthy, not smoking or drinking, sporty all their lives, wealthy, health food nuts and no family histories get diagnosed with cancer and heart disease. In my group more healthy than unhealthy receive terrible outcomes at too young an age. It seems indeed it is not fair; do not believe or think it is, there is no reason to do so. Oh and another one is: you can have cancer and still get hit by a truck. Or; statistics don’t mean so much if it’s you ‘winning’ that lottery.

CobaltFire|1 year ago

I had a "moderate" TBI while in the military, and I'm actually dealing with a migraine today.

I am absolutely less smart (however you want to phrase that) on the days I have a migraine. I can't quantify it, but I can say that on normal days I can do advanced math, etc. and on migraine days I just... can't understand it. It's like it just doesn't "click".

It's fascinating and gives me profound empathy for those who don't have the mental faculties I do (on my good days).

SillyUsername|1 year ago

That reads as somebody experiencing PTSD in addition to the injury. The "am I me" and new perspective on work and life happens as a consequence of life altering tragedy.

antisthenes|1 year ago

I have a similar injury and I'm honestly not sure how you can not have a PTSD with a brain injury of this magnitude. So there's no need to write "in addition to". The PTSD is part of the symptoms of this kind of injury.

The first year was especially tough, with a lot of suicidal thoughts and constant self-doubt.

cbruns|1 year ago

So much of this article resonates with me. Fortunately ours was not as horrific. Last year, my family was in a car crash while stopped at a stop sign. Someone from the crossing road veered off directly into my driver's side without slowing, about 40 mph. My pregnant wife and two year old daughter were in the back seat. My wife sustained a concussion and extreme anxiety about the condition of our unborn child for the remainder of the pregnancy. My nose was broken and face scarred. My daughter was physically unharmed.

Everything she says about feeling like its important to tell people that you did nothing wrong, that it wasn't an 'accident' (oopsie, I almost killed your entire family!), that somehow you have to just keep on living your same life again and driving like this couldn't happen any minute ever again - I feel in my bones and don't think I will every be comfortable on the road or around cars ever again.

The person that hit us fled and was not pursued or found. Sometimes I wonder if they ever get curious about what happened to us. Also, turns out uninsured motorist coverage only applies if you can prove they didn't have insurance, hah.

mckn1ght|1 year ago

My todo list item to install driver cams has gone for way too long, I need to bump it up in priority.

Hope you’re doing better.

proaralyst|1 year ago

This is a really interesting account. One thing I found myself wondering was how much is the shift in her caused by the TBI, and how much by the assertion that she and her family are mortal?

nunez|1 year ago

This sounds like an head-on collision that happened on a high speed rural two-lane road with an impatient driver thinking they could complete a tight pass in time. I absolutely hate these roads, for this reason.

newaccount74|1 year ago

It is possible that the idiot in the truck just didn't see the oncoming car.

It baffles me often how distracted drivers just pull out somewhere and hit a car that would be impossible to miss if the driver bothered to look at all.

bluecalm|1 year ago

It's not the road's fault. It's the psycho drivers who attempt speeding or worse passing at speed who are the danger. May I suggest you redirect your hate? If enough of us do it maybe we will see some change in driver's behavior one day.

Tuffgoose|1 year ago

Perspective granted. A good reminder of how often I take basic cognitive function for granted and a reminder that we’re entirely dependent on this system our existence is wired into.

btbuildem|1 year ago

Long time ago I had a concussion resulting from a skiing accident. It wasn't immediately apparent, but it was severe enough that I lost my job and spent ten months on unemployment. For the worst of it I was stupid, I couldn't be funny, and I was overall greatly diminished as a person. Luckily, it wasn't as bad as concussions can get, and it faded with time.

This type of injury terrifies me though, and from what I read about the long-term effects of Covid, I can't believe people are just going along with it as if it was a common cold. To lose my mental faculties, long-term, is prospect beyond depressing.

toss1|1 year ago

IDK why you are getting downvoted. Evidently some Covid-deniers here? I hope you get better soon; no question losing your mind is terrifying. I'm watching it happen to my FIL, formerly a very sharp engineer and excellent writer, who can no longer even roll dice and move a gamepiece. Seems terrifying indeed.

cqqxo4zV46cp|1 year ago

Any updates on how she’s been going?

matthewaveryusa|1 year ago

Here's her facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/hanaschank

She seems to be doing well and her writing and snark are on point. After reading her posts I'd wager 50% of you will think she's still brain-damaged and 50% will say she's never been in better shape -- such is the contemporary zeitgeist.

santoshalper|1 year ago

Interesting that even in the middle of recovering, she was still such a strong writer. There are a few really excellent turns of phrase and gut punches in a pretty short article.

nprateem|1 year ago

Is there a follow-up?

wwilim|1 year ago

My mom always used to say "if you want to be happy, get a lobotomy"