[jrkatz]

We have a hybrid solution: A joint checking & savings pair (+ credit card) into which paychecks are deposited and against which living expenses (mortgage, food, etc), are drawn; and personal checking & savings accts with monthly transfers from the joint accts. The personal accounts are our 'fun money', and don't get much - they mostly exist to offload the actual bookkeeping of the discretionary spending to the bank, since they cost us nothing to administer except an extra card in the wallet.

We set it up this way because I take home more than her, and I was tired of arguing with my wife that she should feel free to spend some of 'my' money, or that 'me' buying her something with 'my money' was not a gift per se, but an acknowledgement of the futility of her trying to maintain 'her half' of our lifestyle on her paycheck alone while also kicking in to the house. Abstracting all that into a shared fund we both draw on brought psychic peace. Money's fungible and all, but at the end of the day it does feel a lot better when it's not "I pay the mortgage, you buy the food, my savings grow, yours don't". Now the money doesn't feel like manna.

If your incomes are homogenous this is probably too much effort, but to be clear that effort was mostly just 3x as long at the bank once, to get the accounts set up.

I should add I only won that argument when we had a baby and our 'shared' expenses skyrocketed. Before that she was fully committed to separate finances and a constant, low-grade sense of shame & indigence.

[PJDK]

We do something very similar. All pay goes into a joint account and all the bills and joint expenses come out of that one.

We pay ourselves each an allowance that covers our personal spending. That's basically everything I spend money on by myself, so lunch out, treats, games whatever.

I think its a really good way if avoiding any worry about "wasteful" spending. What we each value is different. If we need to tighten our belts we just reduce the allowance, we don't need to fight over what specific spending is or isn't acceptable.

[2rsf]

Can you explain how does "we don't need to fight over what specific spending is or isn't acceptable" works? do you simply cut the personal spending symmetrically?