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8490109481 | 1 year ago

Speaking from experience there is also another case of parents who have an outwardly affirming relationship between each other but not necessarily to (all of) their children. Sort of like co dependents but only certain people close enough in proximity to both people bear emotional abuse/golden child-type selective behavior. The rest of the public are deceived by the outward appearance of a stable family.So the relationship between the parents is firm but they both treat the child harsh.

This is a bad position to begin with because neither parent stands up with the child. A single parent could be a friend the child would not otherwise have. And on top of that it could fall below the threshold for outright removal of child by support services if there is no "obvious" problem (divorce, physical abuse, abandonment). Because a certain degree of emotional abuse for a young child is near totally invisible to others if the child thinks they're the one in the wrong and doesn't defend themselves (which both parents agree on so it is stronger). And invoking those services can severely damage one's working future due to material concerns about college the parents would not have paid otherwise.

That in turn creates a sense of entitlement to opinion (we did everything for you, this is all you do to pay us back, etc...), feeling of creating debt/attachment to that past, and so on. Because they didn't hit or spank, but merely taught an important lesson in a more subtle way, they're not abusive like everyone else, so there is no problem, so on.

I know I'm just venting by now but these sorts of issues take years or decades to come to light after venturing into an adult life and might not be easily quantifiable in the way "this couple divorced" or "this child was removed from the household" would. There are grey areas in between, some of which still have some support by the public (like some types of corporal punishment being acceptable to an undefined degree)

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