[shane_kerns]

I have a 10 year old daughter with a very rare genetic condition. She has no one to care for her if I pass away. She can't yet talk and operates at a 2year old level, autism is just one of the side effects of this genetic condition. She has learning challenges as well, can't read, write or understand very well. I need to leave behind substantial assets or money for her for her long term care. I would love to retire early too but I don't seem to have that luxury because if I do, I don't know what I will leave behind for my daughter's care. I've switched several jobs over the past decade only to find that there is nothing fulfilling from a job perspective. Nothing that adds value to other people's lives or even to my own, aside from a paycheck to pay for my own funeral and my daughter's future care. When the time comes I don't know how my daughter would manage my funeral and which bad people will try to take away everything that I leave behind for her for her care. I can't afford to give away 30% of my worth to law firms that will allegedly guarantee my daughter will be safe from some money hungry assisted living centers or other such nasty organizations and opening a special needs trust fund is equally expensive. I think I'll work my whole life or whatever is left of it, I'm 43 and also work in tech and this is a dying industry with AI taking up so many jobs like automation did in the automotive industry.So I'm not sure how many more good years I'll be able to work for, so I'm just going to put my head down and work humbly while I can.

[nine_zeros]

I can’t begin to imagine the weight of your story, and I know there are no perfect words to ease the pain of living this life. Please know that my thoughts are with you during this.

I can only imagine the depth of your concern for your daughter’s future, and I wish there were more I could offer. For now, please accept my deepest sympathy and a warm, virtual embrace.

[farts_mckensy]

That's so difficult, man. I'm sorry. It shouldn't be this way.

[tasuki]

> I have a 10 year old daughter with a very rare genetic condition. She has no one to care for her if I pass away.

Wow that sucks.

When my daughter was one and half years old, her mom passed away after one year of absolutely exhausting illness. I thought it was tough to be left a single father, but hey my daughter is perfectly healthy, so maybe I have it easy...

[robocat]

> I can't afford to give away 30% of my worth to law firms that will allegedly guarantee my daughter will be safe from some money hungry assisted living centers or other such nasty organizations

Is there no-one you are close to that you could trust to look after money? It's a hefty burden but don't we usually have someone in our extended family or friend network that is trustworthy?

I certainly agree that I personally wouldn't want to trust most professionals in the business.

[93po]

Have you looked at the social welfare programs in other countries and considered moving there? It would be a lot of work to get citizenship there for you and then your daughter, but it sounds entirely feasible within a decade

[robocat]

Social welfare can be flaky too. I suspect especially so in countries with increasing numbers of retirees.

In New Zealand it is fantastic that we have social welfare as a last resort for the desperate, and sometimes it can be amazing. But too often it doesn't work out well.

[rexpop]

[flagged]

[dang]

I'm sure you didn't intend it, but responding to the GP in a cross-examining way ("don't you have friends?", "I would think your top priority") comes across as personally aggressive. That's not how we want people to be treating one another here, especially on the such a painful and intimate topic. Whatever the person who is living such a situation may need, obvious internet criticisms are not it, so comments like this don't help, only hurt.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

[andai]

I visited some relatives who are Jehovah's Witnesses. I was blown away by how rich their social life was. They hung out with people who lived nearby all the time.

I'm sure that kind of lifestyle also exists outside of a religious context, but it was quite striking. I've never seen anything like it. It made me wonder what life used to be like a hundred years ago, and what we've lost, or given up.

I guess church is the prime example of a Third Place, which appear to be in short supply.

[tuyiown]

I truly hope this comment has been seen, a few good trusted friends that would honor op’s memory by taking care of good usage of his daughter resources is the safest way to go, by far

[01HNNWZ0MV43FF]

If the alternative to capitalism is a system that relies on working-class people making charitable donations to other working-class people...

[melagonster]

[flagged]

[dang]

(not a response to your particular comment but to the entire subthread)

I have a feeling that the spectrum of responses to this comment—how varied and how intense many were—is mostly a function of cultural differences.

Ways of relating to such matters vary a lot with national/cultural/religious/family background. Unfortunately, on an internet forum we lack the usual implicit ways of recognizing such differences which help modulate this sort of conversation in real life.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23308098

[maxaf]

Parentification is never a solution. It’s merely a cruel way to spread misery to another person who doesn’t deserve it.

[silver_antlers]

That would be an incredibly cruel thing to do to a child.

[urda]

This is awful and cruel to do, no.

[makk]

> I hate to say this…

Then don’t say it. Do us all a favor.

[2-3-7-43-1807]

i think this is a reasonable consideration.