[mndgs]

Sorry for a probably unpopular opinion here, and let me generalize a bit: Gen Z all the way... (Saying this makes me feel a bit old, I guess I'm certainly am than the author).

On a serious note, in my book there are hints of perfectionism right from the start of the story (fonts dimming, wait 30 sec to join the meeting..). And too much fragility in personal attidudes. S/he is probably a relatively young idealistic person, early in the career. Such people often don't last long, if they can't change inside and take manager's or corporate shit. One needs at least some "fuck it" attitude to preserve one's dignity. Your performance review does not and cannot define you as a person. Else you're likely to end up disappointed and/or emotionally exhausted. And that's what I see here.

[nunez]

Put yourself in their shoes.

They idolized a company that is known for top-shelf engineering talent and, more importantly, brutally hard interviews...and they just got an opportunity to interview with them.

You have no idea what the interviewee will "no hire" them over, so you assume they want perfection because obviously. You're deathly afraid of making any mistakes because not getting the job you've been dreaming about for years is not an option, so spiraling straight into the ground after your first minor oops makes total sense.

Once you've gotten the dream job, you now have to work even harder to keep it because, shit, have you seen the engineering talent in this place? Getting a "failing" perf review from your management sends this anxiety into overdrive, so you work harder to prove your worth.

Some people barely last under these conditions. Others will gladly torch everything and everyone in their life to succeed, whatever that means.

[Brian_K_White]

I cannot understand how anyone gets past 5 years old while still being this fragile as to think any of this you just said.

Everyone has some of these feelings but it's just a feeling like 10% of your mind not 100%. WTF idolizes a company? That is just wrong. Who raised someone to let them even think like that?

[eddd-ddde]

Everything in life needs a healthy amount of "fuck it" attitude.

The second I learnt this and started living by it my happiness shot up and my anxiety went down.

Who cares if you mess up, you have to stop living by your ideas of other people's ideas of you.

[_proofs]

i feel similarly and have had an adjacent experience with anxiety. the more i got to know myself, and the more i've accepted myself over the years, the more i've found myself self-advocating and validating my own existence (to myself) -- i do not need to prove or justify it to others, and i have been working on keeping this mantra alive.

a large part of this experience has been overcoming things by applying a healthy dose of, "fuck it -- this is for me." [1]

[1] obviously one can suggest there is an element of hedonism or selfishness inherent in the attitude, but i think we can appreciate framing it in the context of not using this attitude or mantra to justify being self-destructive, or harmful -- that is not the point. it's more about applying it in a way, that combats the mundane insecurities i've faced and experienced in a range of extremes, which otherwise get in the way of personal growth.

[nunez]

I agree, but many people in this world are raised by parents for whom "fuck it" is not an option. Escaping that kind of environment is very difficult.

[kelnos]

The author mentions they have nearly 10 years of experience in the field, so assuming they went to college and got their first programming job soon thereafter, that puts them around 30-32, so fairly solidly millennial, if maybe on the younger side of it. Not that this matters; I'm always dubious of generalizations based on made up things like "generations".

I definitely got people-pleasing vibes, and I agree the whole "making my screen look neat and tidy" and "engineering my arrival time to the meeting" bits were too much. If I had an interviewer who cared about or was impressed by those "metrics", I would consider that pretty shallow.

Based on that first performance review they got, my feeling is they had a bad manager. I agree with the manager that communication is a crucially important part of work, but you don't give someone a low rating when they completed an otherwise wildly successful project. That's just cruel and demoralizing. You can attack the communication problem without demotivating your employee and possibly hurting their career progression.

Whenever a poor performance review is a surprise to the employee, that alone is a management failure. Don't wait until review time to discuss problems; bring them up immediately and try to address them. Maybe by the time the review comes up, the problem will be gone. And if it's not, the employee won't be surprised by the reasons behind a less-than-ideal review.

[waitasec]

No need to generalize, or assume.

> I’d already had a successful career as a software engineer for the better part of a decade.

OP's resume suggests they've been a professional engineer for over a decade.

I agree with your points about perfectionism and idealism, but they are not isolated to Gen Z.

[phyrex]

"Better part of a decade" means "more than half a decade", so definitely not a decade yet

[schmichael]

The author appears to be solidly millenial from their resume.

As an Elder Millennial myself I hope HN and our industry is free of ageism against young and old. Comments like yours don’t help.

[kelnos]

I wouldn't call that ageism; attitudes change over time, and people early in their career haven't yet learned "how the game is played" so to speak. They will have some emotional attitudes about work that don't always align with reality, which in some cases can be harmful for their mental health and career progression.

This is just a consequence of being inexperienced, and in this case it correlates closely with age.

I do agree that bucketing people by "generation" isn't helpful. Just saying "it seems like this person is early in their career" is sufficient, and is the actual relevant bit.