[unholyguy001]

You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral

You should do it for yourself, out of respect for the person who died and respect for the loved ones remaining. Not out of societal obligation

The corollary to that is there are plenty of times where the right thing is to not go to the funeral. If you lack those things.

There have been times I don’t go the funeral. Because the dead person was a horrible person. When people asked, I said exactly that and many times the response I got was “man I wish I had not gone”

[coldtea]

>You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral. You should do it for yourself, out of respect for the person who died and respect for the loved ones remaining. Not out of societal obligation

In 2024 it would be quite better if we did more things out of societal obligation, instead of each individual placing themselves (and their whims) as the moral authority.

[brabel]

A world where people only do what they want or feel like doing is indeed a pretty depressing world, I know because that's exactly the world I am living in. The world I grew up on was very different, and I absolutely miss it - Christmas parties, lots of birthday parties, church events, school events, local neighbourhood events... you name it, there were lots of things to do and go to and you were expected to. I think half of the time I didn't really want to, but it didn't cross my mind to say I didn't want to go, and I think that was much, much better - today I barely go anywhere, but I know people also won't come if I call them :( it's just such a sad world.

[anal_reactor]

I'm tired, boss

[lambdaphagy]

I recently had the occasion to visit the deathbed of a relative who died with much of his family deeply wounded by, and angry at, him. Had you known him, you might have called him a horrible person and not without some backing for that claim.

But I went because I felt a duty to my relatives that isn’t released just because they didn’t hold up their end of the bargain: he had indirectly given me life, even if he had done much ill besides. And moreover I felt an obligation to the office of the head of my family that transcended the particular man.

It would be a grim world in which comfort for the grieving is a service the deceased must have earned in advance, and we the comforters decide whether they have really earned it.

[I-M-S]

By being too lenient towards those who have not deserved it, we are being unjust towards those who have.

[D13Fd]

> There have been times I don’t go the funeral. Because the dead person was a horrible person.

The funeral is a ritual for the people who knew and loved the dead person. The question should really be about them, rather than the deceased who is dead and gone.

[plorkyeran]

And if those people are going to be talking about how great someone I despised was, it's best for all of us if I stay home.

[the_snooze]

>You should go to the funeral if you think the right thing is to go to the funeral

More broadly, your actions are a reflection of your values. If there's a mismatch, then one of two things must be true: you fell short of your ideals and you should strive to do better in the future, or your stated values really aren't your values.

[NoMoreNicksLeft]

You aren't punishing the dead person by not going. Just punishing what friends and family he or she had, out of spite. Making enemies. I mean when you say "horrible person" you're not talking about Adolf Hitler or Pol Pot, you're just talking about someone you thought (rightly or wrongly) an asshole.

Now you've made yourself the asshole to other people. Not a great life strategy.

[qup]

You made a lot of assumptions in your post just so you could wag your finger at the GP.

[watwut]

> Not out of societal obligation

Societal obligation in this case is literally basic minor respect towards the remaining people. And frankly, the loneliness epidemic HN like to talk about is closely related to the ideology where the only thing that matters is yourself.