[narski]

* Guatemala starts a major war over Mexican espionage in Petén

* Donald Trump is revealed to be the true identity of Satoshi Nakamoto

* President Nelson (prophet of the LDS church) dies and is replaced by Dallin Oaks

* Dugin writes a sequel to The Fourth Political Theory, titled The n+1'th Political Theory

* New microscope finds the words "God was here" etched into every molecule in the universe

* People become at least 5% cuter as estrogen/testosterone ratio continues to tip in that direction