A marriage proposal spoken in office jargon

[jader201]

I think I could be alone, but one of my biggest office-speak pet peeves is using verbs as nouns.

Like “ask” (I hear this one all the time), “(value) add”, and “solve” (used in this article - I cringed).

I see this a lot on HN too, so again, many others here will obviously not agree. But I’ll intentionally use “request” or “question” over “ask” just in protest.

I know the English language has been using some verbs as nouns for millennia, but there are particular ones (like the ones above) that I mostly hear at the office (or outside the office, but spoken by “office folk”), and it’s definitely an annoy.

EDIT: Turns out I'm not alone. Thanks for the validate.

[alterom]

>and it’s definitely an annoy.

You didn't have to do it to drive the point home, but boy did this do the job.

[savanaly]

I find that happens to me too (getting annoyed), but it's a good reminder to introspect when it happens. Clearly, there's nothing objectively wrong with actually using these words in their new meanings-- they're completely serviceable in their new usages, and clear too. There's some degree to which all people get annoyed with language changing and feel a conservative impulse to put a stop to it, but the annoyance with office jargon in particular seems to go beyond that. The source of our annoyance is thus revealed to be something else. I have a feeling it comes back to, like so many things, status games. Someone using new terminology that was just invented is (probably incidentally) asserting some kind of status one-upsmanship over you, demonstrating in passing they are more familiar with cultural norms. I wonder if my annoyance is actually stemming from insecurity that the other person is exactly right-- I am falling behind in the invisible status games. I can either accept my loss, try to adapt to it by using it myself, or remind myself of how little I really care about these status games.

[mwigdahl]

These are awful, but the worst one for me is referring to "people" or "employees" as "resources". I feel a sharp surge of irritation every time someone does that.

[vikingerik]

It goes the other way too, nouns as verbs, and just as cringy: "you can solution this", "we need to action that".

Both ways come from subtle manipulation of language. "Ask" sounds like a polite word while "request" sounds demanding, so the former gets used even if it's the wrong word class. "Lesson" sounds harsh while a "learning" sounds positive. The word that gets used is whichever frames the speaker or conversation better, making them sound more courteous or cooperative and nudging the recipient towards complying.

[stavros]

My pet peeve is "utilize" when it means exactly the same thing as "use".

[depressedpanda]

Verbing weirds language.

https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/01/25

[drewcoo]

Learnings.

Reminds me of Gurgi from Lloyd Alexander's Taran books (The Black Cauldron). Makes me giggle.

[sangnoir]

How about nouns as verbs? "The new dashboard will surface potential issues. If we find any ,I will calendar a meeting for the cross-functional group to workshop the list, and task the relevant partner-teams to resolve"

[stevage]

To me there are semantic distinctions. If I say there was a request, it's neutral. If i say there was an ask, you know I think it's something a bit bigger, possibly a bit unreasonable. If I say there was a question, you know it's just information being sought.

The article here points out the more annoying characteristic, which is using lots of stock phrases that don't contribute meaning over single words.

[kazinator]

Almost literally every noun in English can be verbed, and verbs can often be nouned.

[NoboruWataya]

Totally agree. Before I clicked into these comments I was actually just thinking about the single example that irks me the most is "the understand".

[thefz]

Not an english native, but I have the same with "win" -> "victory".

Like, "congrats for the win" or "big win".

[xbar]

You deserve an invite to our discord server.

[dymk]

This point come up in every thread about office speak, so rest easy that you are not alone

[lastofthemojito]

I have a long-time friend who, after years in fintech, now sometimes speaks this way unironically in non-work situations. I mean, I still think he's a good guy overall but when he recommends the DND party splits up to maximize ROI on a spell rather than just say "let's split up", it does make me cringe.

[mrtksn]

It's actually a useful device when you like to pull an analogy. Instead of explaining the whole idea, you throw a jargon and everyone constructs the rest in their head and understand it and know how to work with it. The whole point of jargon is to have precise definitions, so it works as a rails and compression for ideas.

[ozten]

At least post-mortems are filled with dead carcass.

[macinjosh]

everyone knows you must maximize spellholder value

[teaearlgraycold]

I think ROI is getting into standard vernacular. I’ve had someone use the term in the bedroom regarding certain positions.

[ericmcer]

This happens to engineers too, it sucks. I say throughput way too often in casual conversation.

[lr4444lr]

I un-ironically do that too in my personal relationships after many years in start-ups.

Sorry if it's offensive!

[anon84873628]

I'll cop to using "use case" in real life...

[a12k]

Is ROI pronounced “roy” or “are oh eye”?

[syntaxless]

Never split the party!

[guftagu]

When I proposed to my wife, I met her after a couple of years and didn't know at the time if she was seeing someone. I nudged the conversation towards that topic and once I found out that she isn't, I literally proposed to her in office jargon. I said, "So if the vacancy is still available, can I apply?". She said yes, and we got married eventually but she still isn't too happy about that proposal line.

[cafeinux]

So, if I get it right... You didn't meet that woman for years. You meet her, subtly ask if she's alone, then propose?

That was bold of you, but even bolder from her to accept.

[jdthedisciple]

I was about to say I was suprised she ended up as your wife after that.

To be frank: That is among worst possible lines you could've come up with, but glad it still worked out for you XD

[grumpwagon]

Another classic in this genre: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/a-deep-dive-to-...

[setgree]

in a slightly different vein: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/i-work-from-hom...

> OPERATOR: O.K., Robert, you understand that what you just described isn’t really lunch, right?

> ROBERT: It is lunch. When there are no rules, it is lunch, Cherise!

> OPERATOR: Did you at any point dip the green peppers in the peach yogurt?

> ROBERT: Probably. Sorry.

[ziddoap]

Hadn't seen this one before, it's great.

>As 6:30 P.M. rolled around, she felt sick in the pit of her stomach, like when she looked at a sentence that didn’t contain an acronym.

[alonsonic]

This is incredible. The quality of the writing is on another level, it's not just about throwing corporate jargon but weaving it through a nicely written piece. Thank you for sharing, looking forward to reading more comments from you.

Regards, AA

[bilalq]

I'd like to think I minimize the bleedover of corporate/profession-related speech into my daily life, but "orthogonal" and "non-trivial" were just not a standard part of my vocabulary before college. Over a decade later, I find myself saying them a lot.

[pempem]

Ways to say: 1. "that's not what we're talking about" and 2. "this is fucking important you idiot"

are always valuable :D

[xxs]

That's proper corporate speak, not so much office jargon. One note: to table in the UK means to put it to vote/address, rather than "put it under the rug"

[stuff4ben]

I have queries and doubts on the proposed union. See attached ticket. Please do the needful.

[sporkland]

Adjacent News Radio Marriage Proposal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-yGUSRdNG4

[delegate]

Start with the 'Wedding' epic in Jira. Add a few spikes to figure out the details and bring those into the current sprint.

[sarchertech]

Congratulations! I hate it. You did forget to include my person pet peeve—learnings.

We already have a word for that—lessons.

[jckahn]

If you don’t get the joke, you may be a product manager

[ChrisMarshallNY]

Here's a classic: https://professionalsuperhero.com

[ramon156]

Get a slack channel you two

[kmoser]

Brilliant! But two phrases I was hoping to see weren't there: "reach out" and "embrace."

[jbl0ndie]

This is ripe for a Krazam adaptation.

https://youtu.be/1RAMRukKqQg?si=CrRUbA3Ktsm5v7Kk

[bravetraveler]

Take this offline, you two

[mrandish]

I recently retired early from a large, F100 valley tech company and there are a few things I miss. But this is definitely something I will never miss!

[kazinator]

Jumps off the creativity shark at "will you marry me".

Should be "shall we convince the board of directors of your parent corporation to underwrite a merger deal whereby we unite your corporate assets with mine under a single shelter?

As a modern organization, you may continue to operate under the same branding, if you choose, and the value of your stock shall not be diluted.

[the_af]

It's funny, but it sounds more like corporate/management speak than office jargon.

Employees, when no managers are present, seldom talk to each other like this. Sometimes, the way we actually speak to each other, would get us fired if someone from management was eavesdropping.

[storf45]

Sounds like a pair of Corporate SEALs! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUtL6IS7wcY