[everly]

I'm reminded of a passage from the last psychiatrist blog:

“One of the great insights of psychoanalysis is that you never really want an object, you only want the wanting, which means the solution is to set your sights on an impossible ideal and work hard to reach it. You won’t. That’s not just okay, that’s the point. It’s ok if you fantasize about knowing kung fu if you then try to actually learn kung fu, eventually you will understand you can never really know kung fu, and then you will die. And it will have been worth it.”

I don't think it's sad at all.

[wzdd]

That is the sort of quote which gives psychiatry a bad name. Of course people want (and achieve) things, label-referrent-object wordplay aside, and of course people come to learn things, despite there being an infinite level of skill achievable. Imagine if instead of talking about kung foo they'd said "peeling potatoes", or "crossing the road", or "taking a shower". Same paradoxes around completion, but somehow less mysteriously unmasterable.

[adastra22]

I once wanted to learn how to change the oil in my car. I learned, and then I changed the oil in my car. It was never about wanting to want to learn about my car.

[foxglacier]

After you learnt it, did you keep on feeling good about that forever or did it just fade away into the pile of other things you don't care about anymore while you went on to want to learn new things?

[ozfive]

Of course, some desires are straightforward. But if every want was just about the thing itself, marketing departments would be out of a job.

[everly]

That's fine

[kayvulpe]

Related: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objet_petit_a

[crazygringo]

> One of the great insights of psychoanalysis is that you never really want an object, you only want the wanting

...no it's not?

Much of traditional psychoanalysis has been superseded by modern psychotherapy. And I'm not even familiar with that idea being part of psychoanalysis in the first place. (And there are many schools of psychoanalysis that disagree with each other too.)

Quite frankly, it's not a great insight. It's perfectly fine to want something and then get it. Don't worry, you'll want something else afterwards. The idea that you should set your sights on an impossible goal doesn't hold up to the slightest logical scrutiny here. And a lot of people get disillusioned or burned out from trying to achieve impossible things and failing.

Modern psychotherapy is actually about aiming for achievable, realistic goals in your life. It's much more in line with the serenity prayer, in terms of aiming for realism:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[everly]

It's from a 10+ year-old blog post so I wouldn't expect it to be in line with modern psychotherapy.

It's an insight that has stuck with me since then and seems to strike a chord with others when shared, regardless of whether or not it's "great".

Of course it's fine to want something and then get it. Last night I wanted a Klondike bar so I walked to my freezer and got one. This misses the point entirely.

Plenty of examples of people getting what they thought they wanted and still feeling unfulfilled.

I appreciate your point about the serenity prayer, I think there's something relevant there for sure.