I mean really if that’s how people are, that being affectionate towards them is seen as low value, why the fuck would I bother with people? Why are people so fucking difficult . Why do I bother?
Sometimes we can give people the wrong impression about ourselves, even though there isn't anything fundamentally "wrong" with us. I understand that the idea of needing to manage perceptions to be loved can feel troubling - we want to be loved unconditionally, but feel as though we can only get the love that we want by performing tricks for it like a circus animal. This is why I mentioned the importance of developing the self-esteem to love without restraint. There is a subtle difference between giving love easily out of a desire to be loved in return and giving love freely without any expectation of receiving love in return. But to give love freely you need to have a self-esteem which allows you to not take it personally when the love you give isn't returned in the exact way that you wanted.
Your situation has a somewhat paradoxical solution: It is easiest to feel comfortable with ourselves when we feel we are accepted by others, but it is easiest to be accepted by others when we already feel comfortable about ourselves. Many people in this situation end up romanticizing the idea of being rescued from their predicament by a friend or a romantic companion. This is possible, but not probable. The easiest thing is thus to focus on yourself. Imagine you woke up tomorrow and you truly had no one - no family, no friends, not even a stranger to relate your story to. You wouldn't fall over dead. The world wouldn't end. There would still be a "you" living your life. Now imagine you were destitute, crippled, and intellectually handicapped. Life would certainly be difficult, but you would still be alive.
You are looking for validation in the external world; but what is worst thing that can happen if you don't find it? I would suggest the answer to that question, at a fundamental level, is "nothing."
I'm reading your comments, and I care :) 'cause we still got empathy and connection, and it's a gift. Don't believe the American self-built ideology. We are a mass of chimpanzees lost in an ocean of stars! *
lurk2|1 year ago
Your situation has a somewhat paradoxical solution: It is easiest to feel comfortable with ourselves when we feel we are accepted by others, but it is easiest to be accepted by others when we already feel comfortable about ourselves. Many people in this situation end up romanticizing the idea of being rescued from their predicament by a friend or a romantic companion. This is possible, but not probable. The easiest thing is thus to focus on yourself. Imagine you woke up tomorrow and you truly had no one - no family, no friends, not even a stranger to relate your story to. You wouldn't fall over dead. The world wouldn't end. There would still be a "you" living your life. Now imagine you were destitute, crippled, and intellectually handicapped. Life would certainly be difficult, but you would still be alive.
You are looking for validation in the external world; but what is worst thing that can happen if you don't find it? I would suggest the answer to that question, at a fundamental level, is "nothing."
lordkrandel|1 year ago