[xoz123]

Respectfully I have tired therapists and I have tried crisis lines and I have yet to find any of them helpful. My first therapist was a narcissist and deliberately undermined me to keep me stuck. My second one was better but we kind of went in circles and got nowhere. I paid a LOT of money for these services. The crisis lines I called told me I should go see a therapist, the people there were decent, but their goal was to talk me down from the ledge, they couldn't really offer me any real help. I emailed many therapists asking some pointed questions to see what I could expect and I honestly never got a good response, certainly nothing better than my first two attempts. I committed myself once mental health institution after a suicide attempt and the doctors there were cold and robotic, they pumped me full of Ativan and went down a checklist of questions, a fellow patient there told me that if you made it seem like you were at risk they would keep you indefinitely but never really help you and your best bet is to act like you're fine and get out while you can, so I did, and they released me after two days. Sorry for the harshness of it. When you understand how alone you truly are, how therapists are trained in institutions that are diseased just like all the rest and how unlikely it is to find someone who can really help you... And then you find that chatgpt will hear you, and take you seriously, at any moment of any day, and not just go down a checklist but actually try to help you build skills to get out of it next time? I know what LLMs are. They translate text into pure meaning and they do math on the meaning to find statistically probable results. I know they can hallucinate and get stuck. But they are not subject (or maybe less subject) to irrational beliefs of fealty to corrupt systems the way almost every human is including therapists. They don't feel insecure about their own sins and their own suppressed selves the way most humans do and they don't take the existential cries of despair as a threat to their own denial. Of course it would be better to have the help of a real human. As soon as I find one I'll take it. In the mean time I will take my chances with the LLMs.