[meowfly]

Ive had a really good group of DnD/Pathfinder in the past, but I've tried several times to join games at the a local shop and it wasn't fun. D&D probably selects for a certain type of person that might already have some poor socialization skills to begin with. Moreover, it allows said person to absolutely dominate the game and make it no fun for anyone else.

My recommendation is like yours, join a hiking group, or some other more structured activity in person where you don't have to worry about someone's halfling barbarian with agoraphobia spending your gaming session derailing the module. If you find a good group though, it's a lot of fun.

[dathinab]

I had somewhat similar experiences before. A lot of PnP is a bit too much dependent on the DM and what they tolerate. And I had both DMs being absurd non cooperative and players being absurd non cooperative, neither groups lasted long if the person in question isn't willing to reflect a bit about this games being at the core cooperative games (not just between the players but also the DM, even if the story is literally pitching players against each other, which is rare as hard to do well).

One issue I have seen a bit more specific to DnD is people over obsessing with the world building matching exactly the "generic DnD world" provided by wotc (or worse a specific module). And using this to remove agency from the DM to prevent them from tweaking things to e.g. stop a player from going completely rogue or accidental derailment of the campaign in not fun ways. It also means that people which play a ton of DnD have additional knowledge far beyond their in game character, which is rarely ever good. (DMs being similar inflexible is also not so helpful, but often based on inexperience, while for players it's often based on experience in combination with egoism).

But also to be clear some of the best complains did got derailed a lot, accidentally and not by a single person thinking their experience is more important than that of others.

Through the main reason I'm currently not joining a PnP group is that with the games I could have joined recently they require too much time in between meetings, at lest if you haven't played the system for docents or even hundreds of hours already :/

[gs17]

> One issue I have seen a bit more specific to DnD is people over obsessing with the world building matching exactly the "generic DnD world" provided by wotc (or worse a specific module)

IMO this should be handled in the "session zero" expectations setting. Personally, I couldn't DM for someone like that, they should just read the official Forgotten Realms novels.

[bluefirebrand]

Honestly, this is my experience too

I started playing D&D in the 90s, before 3e even was out. For me, D&D and other TTRPGs are basically an excuse to hang out with friends. I treat it like a board game night. I've sometimes heard this called "Beer and Pretzels D&D"

I don't find many people who want to play Beer and Pretzels D&D anymore. When I go to public meetups or game stores meetups I find the groups are not casual at all. There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time.

The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing.

I would love to have an in-person RPG group again but as a hobby it really seems to have shifted from "mostly average people with slightly poor socialization" to "mostly the weirdest and most asocial people you have ever met"

[pavel_lishin]

> There is a heavy focus on staying in character and roleplaying over just having a good time.

For some people, that is having a good time! Most of the games I'm in, I'm significatnly more interested in the stor & characters than combat, etc. (Although, yeah, we do chat & have beers, etc.)

> The absolute worst version of this are people who seem to want to treat it like a therapy session. They genuinely seem to be trying to work through personal problems through their characters. I understand the desire to explore things in a "safe space" like an RPG but to me it's such an inappropriate venue for that sort of thing.

I think it's totally fine, as long as everyone at the table is fine with it. A session zero is definitely a requirement to play D&D, imo.

[gs17]

I honestly have had incredible luck finding good parties but no idea how I would ever find one again if my current one fell apart. It's such a difficult task and yet it manages to happen naturally.