[caprock]

I've found a lot of value in the habits of politeness, especially in written communication. It's disappointing when it's not a first class citizen in a company culture for things like code review. There are plenty of rationalizations for how it might not be needed, but that just feels like laziness.

[robocat]

I personally prefer to be given brutal honesty. Overly polite people often annoy me because they hide information or they can't get to the point or their point is hidden within layers of wishy-washy mush that I need to correctly parse and then respond correctly to.

Politeness is absolutely necessary, and I hate seeing callous impoliteness in wider society (e.g. towards service workers).

I suspect I would severely struggle in a deeply polite society (stereo-typically Asian?). I can relax the most around very direct people (Dutch?).

I am continually stressed when dealing with anyone that absolutely needs politeness. Example 1: a very close friend who can be triggered by anything reminding them of their abusive ex. Example 2: a self-centred acquaintance that needs pandering (however isn't polite in return).

There's a balance - but it's hard to find. Perhaps I'm confusing two different dimensions, politeness and honesty?

Edit: This is a wishy-washy comment. Difficult topic, straight-jacketed conflict, interpersonal stuff that is hard to understand and talk about.

[cduzz]

I think that "polite" and "honest" and "direct" are orthogonal.

It is possible to be direct, honest, and polite.

You should consider the possibility that you're mistaken in linking "rude" with "direct"

[cj]

I feel similarly about overly-agreeable people, or people who bend over backwards to do everything in their power to make sure everyone around them likes them.

For me, it stems from seeing when someone changes their behavior or words in a way that's no longer authentic to themselves. I like when people are real with me.

But being real or authentic also isn't an excuse to be a jerk.

[jimbokun]

Being polite and being direct simultaneously can be tricky to realize but not impossible. The best communicators manage to achieve both.

[notepad0x90]

I think you can be polite and direct, but at the cost of being verbose and awkward.

[dtpro20]

I don't have time for the overly polite fluff talk to the expense of practical and real communication. It is hard to be caring and direct. Being triggered by anything can be ptsd, and/or a self defense mechanism for incompetence, so it's important to work out what is going on in these cases. But yes, it is absolutely possible to be caring and gracious while still being direct when you exclude the people who will over react as a self defense mechanism as a result of valid or invalid reasons.