[NAHWheatCracker]

I wish I had followed this advice when I was first a tech lead a few years ago. I wasn't a manager per say, but I had two junior engineers. We had way too much to do in too little time. I explained how the PM had messed up the project plan. I figured I was just letting them know what was going on, but it just brought the mood down.

I think it's ideal that some level of commiseration happens, so people can try to find ways to fix problems that can be fixed or accept that they can't. It really depends on the people, relationship, and culture. Some people aren't willing to do anything for anyone else. Some cultures discourage trying to fix anything.

[catlifeonmars]

It’s a fine balance.

People don’t like it when you sugarcoat or otherwise patronize them. If something is bullshit, it’s worth calling out.

Commiseration typically leads to feeling disempowered though and you need your reports to feel empowered for a team to function well.

[maccard]

> It’s a fine balance. > People don’t like it when you sugarcoat or otherwise patronize them.

Agreed. One of the earliest things you have to learn as a manager is that people also don't ask for what they want, they ask for what they think they want.

I had a direct report who said they wanted to know what was going on, so I told them regularly about the ups and downs. At the end of the year I got the feedback that I was providing unclear direction and being inconsistent - my direction was always the same, but it was obvious that even though they said they understood that I was telling them to stick to the roadmap we planned and checked in on, they were internalizing the week on week things we talked about.

I've since learned the difference of how much to share, and how to effectively say "I know that team X are talking about changing the Foo to Bar, but we're going to keep working with Foo for now". If I've done my job as a lead, the direct acknowledgement of the uncertainty and an instruction to stay the course should be the communication the team needs, and from a technical perspective hopefully our earlier choices will make it less hassle for us to switch from Foo to Bar if/when that decision actually happens.