[efsavage]

I overheard two very outgoing co-workers once, where one asked the other if he was having his holiday party.

"It was last weekend", he said.

"Oh, I didn't get an invite"

"That's because you never come"

She looked shocked, I think she genuinely didn't know what to say. After an awkward silence she said, "but I liked to be invited"

"I'll happily invite you next year if you promise to come"

She smiled politely and walked away.

It was memorable to me because it was such a foreign interaction on both sides from my perspective.

[dexterdog]

It's probably just ego on the one side. That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship. If I were the other person I would make sure that invitation is never extended.

[singhrac]

Who cares if they feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship? Do you decide your framework based on mental games other people might play? Decide if extending an invite that is declined will cost you something (food, space, etc.) and whether you want the person there.

[teapot7]

Or because they're shy and antisocial but it's nice to think that they're part of the gang - as the original article was all about.

[mock-possum]

Oh wow that is foreign to me, but I’m sure you’re right - Collecting invites you never intend to answer just sounds like… I don’t know, some sort of weird social hoarding.

If somebody I don’t want to hang out with keeps inviting me that doesn’t make me feel good about myself, that makes me feel anxious, like I haven’t properly clarified our relationship with them.

> That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship.

For me, I would expect the opposite - if you get invited all the time but never come, it’s because you’re not actually involved in their life, you’re not actually all that valuable. In order to be valuable you’d have to be making the effort to be present, or at the very least, communicating your availability so the other person would better understand when it’s appropriate to expect you.

[watwut]

> That person likes to be invited to feel like they are the more valuable person in the relationship

Or it was just a comment without any major feelings of dominance attached to it. Some people interpret everything as a status fight, but most dont.

[squigz]

I'm so glad I don't understand and thus can't play these games with people. It sounds tiring.

[mfru]

That sounds like you projecting onto others

[jacquesm]

You can't feel powerful by rejecting an invitation that you never receive in the first place.