[chunkbot]

Serious question: Is it so bad to live and die with some regrets? Should we live our lives according to a "regret-minimization" framework? Does regret, which most acknowledge as a negative emotion or feeling, actually serve a positive purpose in our lives?

[crag]

It's not the dead who have regrets, it's the living. I mean, you're dead. What do you care?

My life is meant to be lived. I'm alive for a very short time. I refuse to spend it looking over my shoulder; second guessing everything. If I do something stupid or harmful I made amends (or try too). I redeem myself for my own peace of mind.

Look it boils down to this: what does every faith on the planet teach? I'm not typing about the differences or whose god is stronger or better, I'm talking mythos - they all teach that it's all about how we treat each other. That's what it all boils down too.

I'm mortal. Of course I have regrets. I don't live for the moment (like dogs - or do they... I have doubts about that) I don't believe regrets are "negative". They're a part of life. We've all had missed opportunities. We've all treated someone poorly. It's life.

If I step out of the house right now and get hit by a bus, it's the living; they'll have to sort my life out. But I hope I have the luxury of facing death with time to reflect on my own life and realize, hopefully, that I lived; had a great time; and left my mark.

[columbo]

> Is it so bad to live and die with some regrets?

It's a good question. Too much paper has been spent on rehearsing the same story of "Do things now because when you are old you'll be old and it wont be as fun and you'll regret it because you'll be old". That is, in some parts, absolutely true but I feel it would be better distilled down to the basic motto of 'Do more'.

Even with that you'll still have regrets. My mom had a serious stroke early into retirement and all of her cross-country planning went away with it. Even though she's done this type of trip before she still regrets not being able to do it again. Regret is part of life, we will always feel like there was one last thing to do, we don't die with all of our dishes washed.

[seiji]

Missed regret serves to say, "Next time, I shouldn't be so timid. See? Nothing bad happened."

Acted regret serves to say, "Why did I do that? I should have known better. I'll remember not to do this again."

Minimizing missed regret is just quieting your ego and moving forward so opportunities don't pass you by. Minimizing acted regret requires seeing all possible futures and avoiding ones with high probabilities of failure (but that's quite boring).

[rmason]

I am reminded of a quote by E.B. White that is a bit of a personal motto:

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult."

[LVB]

How often does someone think long and hard about A vs. B, pick one, and then regret it later? Sure it might have been the sub-optimal choice in hindsight, but we're not clairvoyant and often try to be thoughtful in our decision making. Can you really regret such choices?

Then there are those activities that we didn't do and didn't even consider. Not spending time with family before it's too late, not finishing a big project due to laziness, etc. These I'm more prone to regret.

[timwiseman]

I hope not. My life is filled with regrets. I have done many things wrong that I wish I could undo, and missed many opportunities that I wish I could take advantage of.

And it is often only in hindsight that I can tell the difference. Often, because I reflected on it, I learned something from my mistakes, but regret came with that learning. I suspect that for most people the only way to avoid regret is to avoid reflecting on life.

[ChuckMcM]

No, its not bad to die with regrets, but it is soul crushing to live less well with them. Talk to someone who had something they were going to do 'some day' had the opportunity to do it, didn't, and now it is forever lost to them by life's circumstances. Those regrets are the worst.

[eli_awry]

Regret is different than doing something that didn't turn out well. I have made plenty of decisions that caused a great deal of suffering - but they made me who I am. I think what I would regret would be if I made decisions that didn't make me into a better, more interesting person. Better to have loved and lost, and all that. I guess that whether regret-minimization is a useful framework depends on how precisely we define regret. I am risk-seeking, I fall down a lot, but I never regret anything.

[philh]

> I have made plenty of decisions that caused a great deal of suffering - but they made me who I am.

And if you-then hadn't made those decisions, that would have helped to make you-now a different you.

Unless you value being "who you are" instead of "who you might have been" more than you care about the suffering you caused, it's not clear to me why you shouldn't regret those decisions. (Note, I'm not saying you shouldn't prioritise your values like that, especially if it was mostly you who was suffering.)

This is mostly nitpicking. I agree that there's a difference between "I regret doing that" and "I regret not doing that".

[eli_awry]

Regret is different than doing something that didn't turn out well. I have made plenty of decisions that caused a great deal of suffering - but they made me who I am. I think what I would regret would be if I made decisions that didn't make me into a better, more interesting person. Better to have loved and lost, and all that. Whether regret-minimization is a useful framework depends on how precisely we define regret. I am risk-seeking and fail quite often, but I never regret anything.

[31reasons]

I don't think people regret single event or one particular chance they missed due to some over thinking or inexperience. What they usually regret is the way in which they lived their entire life. They usually regret the framework they used to make their day-to-day decisions to choose their work/people/opportunities. That is something you can definitely avoid because you can always do something about how you live your life.

[theorique]

It's better to regret something you have done, rather than regret something you haven't done.

[philwelch]

Unless it's heroin.