[lgats]

update: thanks for all the suggestions

I decided to do some testing with redirecting to a small vps that just keeps the connections open and sends a byte every 10-30 seconds. This worked and the traffic substantially dropped off. After doing some more digging though, I got concerned this may be in itself an abuse of my VPS providers ToS. The risk did not outweigh the benefit. Gzip bombs fell under a similar category of concern.