[boncester]

That was excellent!

Couple of tweaks though, try to avoid the same call for response, '..is that right?' or whatever. Patterns in speech become REALLY old REALLY quickly.. It can start to create a picture in their head that this is staged (and it kinda is) which then starts to cause them to raise walls up. Keep to the context of the question using whatever words you're comfy with 'X...? I got that right?', or 'soooooo... X yeah?' and they'll spot the pattern but because of the conversational nature of it their hackles will take a lot longer to raise.

The other thing is putting pauses in. Yes pauses are remarkably powerful, actual dead air forces the other side to fill it, but it also creates a pressure vacuum, it FEELS like minor bullishness and can start causing combativeness. For me if I want the conversation to feel level between two equals I'll instead fill the pauses with word-salad appropriate to whatever the context is with a couple of words in there to ping reactions. 'Oh wow, yeah the more I think about this the more I'm just... wow. Yeah that's annoying', where 'the more I think' is reflecting back that I agree there's something to what they are saying and 'annoying' to cause them to reflect on the irritation, trying to draw out that feeling more so they can then talk about the next layer down, but it's still basically a pause, it quietly says 'I hear you, I don't have anything to say right now, so go on...'

[PandaRider]

I concur with you (that this is an excellent introduction)!

Imo, your suggestions are more for intermediate/advanced active listeners that need to interact with folks in their job (e.g. bartenders, reporters, middle managers...).

Still, I feel being repetitive (e.g. 'It sounds like XYZ...is that right?') is better than nothing. Sometimes, training wheels aren't bad when learning how to ride a bike.

[lucidplot]

author here. Exactly, “it sounds like” etc are training wheels. Use them while you figure out how to do the technique. And yes, when you’re learning, it can sound stilted. As you master it, you don’t need to use those exact phrases any more.

[hshdhdhehd]

Can we make it sound (and be) less like a mind trick by putting out opinion in.

E.g.

"I think Trumps approach to immigration will help increase jobs for Amercians and help the economy"

"OK sounds like you are for stricter immigration enforcement. I actually disagree for various reasons, but I am interested in knowing why you see this as helping the economy. Maybe I am missing something in my analysis"

[notahacker]

That (particularly in the context of polarising politics) seems worse; it's basically the sea lion meme. Just feels like a really disingenuous way of saying "I fundamentally disagree, but you should feel obliged to spend time justifying your opinion anyway because I've responded to you in this faux polite tone".