[mattio]

I grew up poor as dirt. My mom has four kids with three dads. Eventually we were a family of six. I think we had about 100 euros a month for food, clothing and recreation. My mom and stepdad did not work one day in their lives (welfare in NL).

Right now I’m still recovering. It’s my fifth year making over 150K and I have zero to show for it because I did a poor job managing my finances. To help me (in general, but also productivity wise) I have a coach and coincidentally today exerpeinced a breakthrough. I am still afraid of being poor. Of being made fun of. And not being enough.

I’m operating out of a ‘it’s not enough’ mentality, because I don’t feel enough. It feels like a life sentence, but some hope shimmers at the end of the tunnel.

What it’s like being poor: even buying a simple football in a supermarket felt leagues out of reach. Being sent back home because a teacher told me my clothes did not cut it. And my parents just sent me back. I never thought there was a path for me to become a doctor. Or any other noble job. Growing up or being poor is not being able to see a way out. Recognising opportunity.

Forgive me my language. Super tired and on my phone.

[justsomejew]

If you don't mind telling about it, who or what helped you?

[mattio]

I was just lucky that I started programming when I was about 32, and when I started freelancing (35) money started flowing. But tbh I am still managing the holes my upbringing left me (financial habits, attachment issues, focus and productivity). I know I’m responsible for my action, but it does not make it easier.

It kind of feels it’s never enough. So it does not feel I am helped in the sense that I left my problems behind me. Just traded some problems for better (but also bigger) ones.