[6thbit]

I came to the same conclusions as the author. Then I tried something like this and failed to get people interested.

It’s draining for me to reach out to try and convince people, not sure if the social anxiety or the lack of executive functioning.

Any tips for someone that understands and wants community but struggles with the building process?

[yesfitz]

From my experience, here's the general lowest-effort way to find community:

Make a list of public places that you like (bars, coffee shops, game shops, etc.) and go to them at the same time on the same day every week. You'll shortly start seeing the same people regularly, even if it's just the staff.

Then you can greet those people, introduce yourself, and talk with them. By asking questions about their day, their plans, and sharing the same about yourself, you'll open the door to expanding your social life outside of those locations, hours, and people.

Community doesn't need to be a series of planned events and invitations. It can be implicit and organic just by virtue of regularly sharing space.

Personal anecdote:

I do this with pinball. Sure, it's often in bars, but it's a great way to be at a bar without having to drink. Pinball players are happy to talk about pinball (or anything really), it provides an instant topic of conversation, and it's easy to invite another player to a game because it's such a short commitment. And if no one's around that you want to talk to, or you don't feel like focusing on socializing, you can just play the game while still maintaining your regular schedule.

If you want to try following in my exact footsteps, you can use Pinball Map[1] to find locations near you. Good luck!

1: https://pinballmap.com/map

[legerdemain]

This has absolutely never worked for me in cafes, not in decades of trying across multiple states. Cafe regulars either bring their own company or "laptops open, headphones on, heads down."

Amusingly, the rec league pinball people are absolutely ferocious about promotion. Pretty much every thread in r/bayarea about looking for friends gets a pitch from a pinball person.

[Bratmon]

Same as all socialization: If you're attractive, you'll succeed no matter what you try or how you try it (You do still have to try, but that's the only requirement).

If you're unattractive, you'll fail no matter what you try or how you try it.

There's a reason why success stories in this area never talk about the author being required to or benefiting from evolving their tactics.

[_vqpz]

The author's picture is available in the article, he's not exactly Henry Cavill. Not sure what makes you think that's a requirement for hosting a successful social event

[abirch]

  1) Do something you enjoy *and* that others in your area enjoy.
  2) Look for opportunities to be a first follower: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW8amMCVAJQ
  3) Build a routine. E.g., this event will happen every 2nd Tuesday of the month.

[AdrianB1]

While I think his approach is not the best, even if it worked for him, I am convinced that if you identify a few thigs you like to do you will find some other people with the same interests. There are so many activities that it creates some fragmentation of interests, but the population is still large enough to find others compatible with you.

What I would do: 1. make a list of stuff I would do; 2. check if there are local communities for each item on the list and 3. start joining those communities or look for people interested to join you on the activities on the list. Is that simple, really.

[physicles]

I had the same problem, and solved it this way:

Find a close friend for whom reaching out and convincing people is not draining, and partner with them. They do the reaching out, you take care of the logistics.

The framework that helped me understand what was going on with this is Working Genius. Reaching out falls under what they call Galvanizing, which is draining for me, but my friend is super good at it.

[nunez]

I'll answer your question with a question. In the past, I would have recommended finding a Meetup on some activity you enjoy. Meetup isn't as popular anymore (another victim of COVID and WFH culture), but the spirit of the idea is sound. Are there apps or services that fill that void these days?

[legerdemain]

Meetup isn't a victim of Covid and WFH, it's a victim of being sold to WeWork years before Covid.

[deadbabe]

I think you must be charismatic and somewhat attractive to inspire people to come hang around you. People will likely assume any event you invite them to will have other people that are similar to you, and by extension, if they are hanging around you it must mean they aspire to be similar to you.

[throw4847285]

This is the most jaundiced, obviously false, and self-pitying statement I have maybe ever encountered. Have you seen a group of people paint Warhammer figurines together? Or do Gunpla? Or play a roleplaying game? Are they cool and attractive? No! Are they having fun and bonding? Yes! The only incentive one would ever have to deny this is self-loathing covering up a fear of rejection. Go out there and do something dorky with people.

[nickthegreek]

If you can throw money at it, you can offset attractiveness and to some degree, personality. Having a sweet home theater, indoor pool, or gaming room/bar can go a long way to creating an inviting environment for others.