[throwfaraway135]

In a lot of 3rd world and less well off countries, childcare is done by the grandparents(mostly grandmothers), I'm always surprised why this isn't true in the west.

Here we have an aging population, so grandparent/grandchild ratio should be very high.

[fooker]

> I'm always surprised why this isn't true in the west

Nobody lives with their parents ‘in the west’, so the best bet is arranging two houses or apartments nearby.

That takes an extraordinary amount of resources for child-bearing age parents.

[kalleboo]

My guess would be that in developed countries, people are having kids older and older, so the grandparents are accordingly also older and more tired. That combined with multi-generational households being all but gone so now you're picking up and leaving off and all the kind of cooking and general housekeeping is also doubled.

[UncleMeat]

If your parents had you at 25 and you have kids at 25 then your parents are 50 when you have a kid. Nowhere close to retirement age. People who are still working can't watch the kids five days a week.

[em-bee]

there is also the sentiment of people in their 50s that they are done with taking care of kids. they want to enjoy their freedom now. it's just an anecdote, but for example my dad tried to marry again, but was unable to find a partner willing to marry someone with kids. i don't know if that translates to taking care of grand kids, but i think it is related.

in developing countries there are no pensions for many people and the young parents provide the support the grandparents need, taking care of the grandkids is one way to ensure that this support keeps coming.

[hayd]

and most don't live in the neighbourhood, city or even state (in tech anyways).

[wiether]

Is it common for women to work in those countries?

What I'm seeing here in Europe is that mothers are working, so when they have grandchildren they are either still working or retired. If they're working, they don't have time to do childcare. If they're retired, they are either worn out and don't have the energy/physical ability to do childcare, or they just want to enjoy the few years of freedom they have.

So grandparents can do some childcare, during weekends or holidays mostly, but they are not the one who would take care of the children during the parent's 9-to-5.

On the other hand, I know some families where the mother staid at home to raise her children and she naturally assumed the same role for her grandchildren. But the chain is broken because their mother is working and will not stop working to do childcare for her grandchildren.

[assimpleaspossi]

My brother's two boys both had kids. One of them, his wife, was going to go back to work after giving birth but had horrible feelings and cried when she took the baby to daycare after maternity leave. She quit and now stays home taking care of her baby.

The other boy, his wife, also cried and was torn between going back to a job she loved but felt incredibly guilty about leaving her newborn to daycare. She was fortunate that grandma retired from her job about the same time and now takes care of baby during the day.

Happy to report that everyone is very, very happy. This is normal. It's how I grew up.

[johanvts]

Sure, it does happen but it’s not the normal model. Every mother feels horrible and cries when they institutionalize their kids, western society is based on most people doing this regardless. It is not scalable to educate women for 20 years just to have them become stay at home moms, just as a single farmer today has 40.000 chickens etc.

[johanvts]

Two factors. 1. In an institution there are more kids/adult. 2. Child care is valued below average by society.

Combine these and it makes a lot of sense to trade a few below average valued workers for the release of many above average valued workers into the economy.

[anal_reactor]

> Child care is valued below average by society.

Capitalist dystopia summed up. "Mommy cannot see you say your first words because having mommy shove papers around is slightly more beneficial economically".

[shoobiedoo]

Wouldn't that be nice. mine are too busy watching pawn stars reruns for the hundredth time

[veunes]

There's a health and capacity angle. A lot of today's grandparents are still working, dealing with their own medical issues, or simply don't have the energy to provide full-time childcare

[lurking_swe]

i’m about to have my first child soon. My mother died in June. She loved little kids so it’s pretty tragic that she won’t get to experience being a grandmother. My dad is still around but he will likely be useless as a support system.

The man can barely cook anything and tends to make a mess. i also expect he’ll have a tough time changing diapers or holding a delicate baby, one of his hands has lots of numbness from a past stroke.

Thank god i have the BEST in-laws, who are also in great health. I can’t imagine what someone would do in my situation with bad in-laws.

[foogazi]

> childcare is done by the grandparents(mostly grandmothers)

or the aunts, or siblings (mostly sisters), or neighbors (mostly women)

You get the idea

[ensocode]

very true! Mine are still working and after all are unable and unwilling to dedicate the whole time. They have plans or want to relax. Children are tiring. The west seems to be not only aging but also getting a bit lazy sometimes

[mapotofu]

My observations include a wholesale generational problem, where the group that would be responsible for this (boomers) tend to be highly narcissistic and focused on their own pleasures, instead of being a part of their grandchildren’s lives. They simply don’t want to be involved. There are exceptions to this rule but I’d say it’s very common in the US and more so than the rest of the world.

[EPWN3D]

A few factors that aren't "lol capitalism":

1. People have kids later, and older grandparents are less likely to be able to care for them

2. Kids moved away and left their parents in the suburbs, so they're not exactly around anyway. Also, a lot of Boomers sold their homes during Covid to cash in and moved elsewhere and/or downsized. So they might not be living in a place where you can just drop the kids off for a weekend.

3. Generally, only one of the grandparents in the Boomer generation is realistically capable of providing childcare, and that's the mom. If she's not alive anymore, you're not getting anything from your dad.

[alecco]

Boomers broke the chain.