[lazarus01]

It’s great to be useful as living for your purpose is the best way to achieve life satisfaction. But it’s important to establish boundaries and avoid developing codependency and not to define yourself through the perception of your acts towards others. Having a skill that helps others gives you a sense of mastery. The fact that you have this skill and apply it in good faith should be enough to establish a good sense of self without feedback from others.

I love being an engineer and solving problems that I’m good at, which are problems too complex for most people to approach. But not everyone feels that way, some or most people don’t care or don’t understand the motivation, as they may have different motivations of their own. Learning to accept that and be confident without validation from others is very tough but possible, as you apply yourself consistently with focus and clarity, you gain a stronger sense of purpose. You are never fulfilled, but continue to pursue anyway, that is the trick I learned for myself. The trait is called equanimity and is more of a sustainable attitude vs a feeling, that is transactional. It’s easier as you get older and comes with maturity.

[metabagel]

Yes, equanimity is a great quality to possess. It means that you never get too high or too low. When things are really going your way, you know that things can change for the worse. Yet you can be content. When things are not going your way, you know that things can change for the better. And you can be content.

This doesn't mean that you don't try to achieve anything. It means that you can still be content whether you succeed or fail.

Thank you for reminding me about this word.

[lazarus01]

No problem! Happy it was helpful. I learned about equanimity last year in a book I read about the science of self actualization, how to reach your unique potential.

https://scottbarrykaufman.com/books/transcend/

cheers