[theblazehen]

> If you're a man, one of your hardest battle may be not giving in to sexual urges that cause harm to others. History is littered with otherwise entirely brilliant men who succeeded at everything but this. You must succeed.

I'm not sure I like the framing of this

[xnx]

It is poorly worded, but might make sense if interpreted to be about cheating and not sexual assault.

[elliotmy]

You're right, poorly worded. My initial draft of it had nuance that I think was lost when I condensed this entry down. But it was meant to largely cover cheating, as well as sexual assault, and any sexual acts that harm others.

My original draft from Obsidian:

"The smartest, most talented and otherwise kind men throughout history – who have overcome hurdles beyond imagining to save lives, get rich and get us the moon – still totally failed when it came to not giving in to their sexual desires. They cheated on the partners they love. Some even groped and raped.

It’s not discussed enough, but many mens hardest battle is simply not giving into sexual appetites that cause harm – cheating, sexual assault, or any other form of harm (you could argue simply buying and consuming porn is immoral). These acts can spread misery through multiple generations. And yet many men do it. If you happen to have these urges (and it's not all men), you must not give in to them. [[2026-01-06]]"

[olivierestsage]

I definitely interpreted this one as meaning emotional harm.

[eudamoniac]

I won't say most, but it's clear a lot of men are tempted by the flesh and have to actively choose not to cheat on their partner. This is a trope throughout cultures and histories for a reason. Some are lucky enough to find monogamy trivial and natural, but a lot of people are practicing self control.

[Loughla]

Uh, yeah. I've been a man my entire life and I've never ever had a problem with wanting to let my sexual urges cause harm to others. I have a very high libido even. Not once has this been a problem.

The fuck is this about?

[elliotmy]

Sadly, rape and cheating on partners is far too rampant in the world, in my experience. But I never see any one talking about it – only the news articles and Facebook posts after the fact.

I believe that far too many men are messed up and have desires of sexual harm and struggle to contain these desires – way more men than people think. I was attempting to call it out, but I may have done so clumsily, writing it as if every man struggles with it, or that it's a struggle I've had (when I haven't).

[aipatselarom]

Same.

Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author.

Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

[dpkirchner]

I think this is where the "may" applies.

[dwpdwpdwpdwpdwp]

Ask a divorce lawyer that question.

[K0balt]

That was my first reaction as well. Maybe if we include letting others harm themselves or others by choosing poorly it makes more sense, but then it’s patronising to the opposite sex, like their agency is invalid.

OTOH I can remember being a 16 year old sex crazed sociopath, maybe adolescence is what op refers to? I definitely participated is some extremely questionable decisions at that age, and sometimes I wonder if others were significantly affected by my ignorance and selfishness. Probably not, as they were also sex crazed sociopaths at the time, but still. Such a cringefest.

Being ashamed of your past actions is how you know you are growing.