[gkoberger]

I found this 10+ years ago, and it was one of the most important things I ever read. As a consummate Guesser, it reframed my perspective completely. I started to be much happier and understanding with Askers.

I also realized how frustrating, as a Guesser, I could be to Askers, and shifted more toward being clear about what I want or need.

[entropicdrifter]

My family is almost 100% Asker. When I got to college, I drove Guessers nuts. They thought I was so selfish and would blow up at me (from my perspective) out of nowhere.

"No" is always a perfectly fine and polite answer from my perspective

[arcfour]

It's a shame more people don't assume good faith so we can have more direct and honest communication with each other.

[xyzal]

A uni pal with the samey attitude had a wonderful motto - "better to look stupid than to be stupid".

[jasondigitized]

Except a lot af askers will put you in an uncomfortable spot. No I don't want you and your family staying at my house while you are in town.

[echelon]

I have been searching for this!

Thank you for reposting this, OP. I have been (w)racking my brain trying to find this article and used HN search dozens of times. I couldn't remember what the title was, or the specific terms "ask" and "guess", so it was impossible to find.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37182058

This is one of the chief cultural differences between Southern and Northern culture.

Southerners (not transplants) will "ask" without imposition: they "ask" when giving, and "guess" when receiving.

Any inversion of these norms is an affront to "Southern hospitality" and will be met with the equivalent "Bless Your Heart".

Ask what you can do for someone, never what you can have. Assume someone will do right by you (you should never have to ask), and if they don't - people say not so nice things about those folks.

I need to articulate this better when it's not 4 AM, but it's an almost perfect descriptor of the cultural differences.

[pvab3]

I've lived in the South and the midwest and it really isn't any different in either place