Becoming a parent is basically a destruction of the self. My sister and her husband get 1-2 hours of time for themselves per day, and then they are too tired to do anything but watch TV. They've ceased to exist as individuals, basically. To them, work and the office are their places of relaxation.
They're not on HN to explain this to anyone because they just don't have the time.
> Becoming a parent is basically a destruction of the self.
I am a parent and have definitely felt very stressed on account of children. But as for feeling like my "self" was destroyed, I can't really say I ever experienced that; and I'm not even sure about the idea of a fixed immutable self anyway. I'm not advocating for having children, or against having children; but I don't think I was crushed as a human being because of my choice.
My last child is graduating from high school this year. She's a violinist and I'm a pianist. I've always accompanied her since she was 3; and we do a lot of musical collaborations. I definitely feel like my sense of self is expanded by all of this. But maybe I just got lucky.
I should have made clear that being a parent _of young children_ is destruction of the self. I'm sure once the kids are all old enough to use the toilet independently and otherwise entertain themselves it will be different. But right now their situation reminds me less of a lifestyle and more some kind of punishment.
kashunstva|18 days ago
I am a parent and have definitely felt very stressed on account of children. But as for feeling like my "self" was destroyed, I can't really say I ever experienced that; and I'm not even sure about the idea of a fixed immutable self anyway. I'm not advocating for having children, or against having children; but I don't think I was crushed as a human being because of my choice.
My last child is graduating from high school this year. She's a violinist and I'm a pianist. I've always accompanied her since she was 3; and we do a lot of musical collaborations. I definitely feel like my sense of self is expanded by all of this. But maybe I just got lucky.
tormeh|18 days ago